• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

FHE Health - Addiction & Mental Health Care Homepage

Drug, Alcohol and Mental Health Treatment

ContactCareers

Call for Immediate Help (833) 596-3502

MENUMENU
  • About
        • About FHE Rehab
          • About FHE Health
          • Our Staff
          • Locations We Serve
          • Testimonials
        • Our Campus
          • Gallery
          • Our Videos
          • The Health and Wellness Center at FHE Health
        • Our Locations
          • Alcohol Rehab
          • Detox Center
          • Drug Rehab
          • Mental Health Center
          • Outpatient Rehab
        • Careers at FHE Health
          • Employment Opportunities
        • Our Expertise
          • Accreditations
          • Educational Opportunities
          • Community Impact Award
          • First Responder Families Podcast
          • First Responder Paws
          • Education Scholarship
  • Addiction
        • Treatment Programs
          • Treatment Program Overview
          • Alcohol Addiction
          • Drug Addiction Treatment
          • Behavioral Addiction
        • Levels of Care
          • Continuum of Care
          • Addiction Detox
          • Inpatient Addiction Treatment
          • Outpatient Addiction Treatment
        • What We Treat
          • Alcoholism
          • Amphetamines
          • Benzodiazepines
          • Cocaine
          • Heroin
          • Opioids
          • Sedative
  • Mental Health
        • Mental Health Rehab
          • Mental Health Rehab
          • Onsite Psychiatric Care
          • Dual Diagnosis
        • Levels of Care
          • Residential Mental Health Care
          • Outpatient Mental Health Care
        • What We Treat
          • ADD & ADHD
          • Anxiety Disorders
          • Bipolar Disorder
          • Depression
          • Eating Disorders
          • Personality Disorders
          • PTSD
          • Schizophrenia
          • Substance Use Disorder
          • Trauma
  • Programs
        • FHE Programs
          • Specialty Program Overview
          • Restore (Mental Health)
          • Empower! (Women's Program)
          • Shatterproof FHE Health(First Responders)
          • Compass Program
        • Support Programs
          • Alumni
          • Family Support
        • Therapies
          • Acupuncture
          • Breathwork Therapy
          • CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
          • DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)
          • EMDR Therapy
          • Expressive Arts Therapy
          • Individual Therapy
          • Group Therapy
          • Gambling Therapy
          • Massage
        • Medical Care
          • Medical Integration
          • Ketamine Infusion
          • IV Vitamin
          • Fitness & Nutrition
          • Medication-Assisted Treatment
          • Medication Management
        • NeuroRehab Services
          • Neuro Rehabilitation
          • Neurofeedback Training
          • Neurostimulation Therapy
          • EEG Brain Mapping
          • Insomnia Treatment for PTSD
  • Resources
        • FHE Guides
          • Understanding Drug Abuse
          • Signs of Addiction
          • The Disease of Addiction
          • Confronting Addiction
          • Staging an Intervention
          • Rehab Success Rate – Does It Really Work?
          • Withdrawal Timelines
          • Life After Rehab
          • LGBTQ+ Community Resources
          • Veteran Resources
          • FHE Podcasts
          • Remote Resources Toolkit
        • Learning Center
          • Help for You
          • Help For Loved Ones
          • Help For Alcoholism
          • Help With Substance Abuse
          • Behavioral & Mental Health
          • Life in Recovery
          • Rehab Explained
          • Addiction Statistics
          • Our Research Articles
          • View All Articles
        • The Experience Blog
          • Addiction News
          • Alumni
          • Community Events
          • Expert Opinions
          • FHE Commentary
          • FHE News
          • Treatment Legislation
          • View All Articles
  • Admissions
        • Insurance
          • Blue Cross Insurance
          • Beacon Health / Value Options Insurance
          • Cigna Insurance
          • Humana Insurance
          • TRICARE Insurance
        • Admissions
          • Steps to Addiction Help
          • Will Insurance Cover Behavioral Treatment?
          • Self-Pay Rehab
        • FAQ
          • Keeping Your Job in Rehab
          • Example Day in Rehab
        • Contact Admissions
          • Contact Us
          • Secure Payment Form
  • Contact
  •  
Home > Featured in Experts > How to Stop Falling for the Wrong Type of Person

February 8, 2024 By Kristina Robb-Dover

How to Stop Falling for the Wrong Type of Person

Stop falling for the wrong type of person

This article has been reviewed for accuracy by our peer review team which includes clinicians and medical professionals. Learn more about our peer review process.

Some of us may be more prone to it than others, but falling for the wrong type of person can be easy to do—and in the worst-case scenarios, downright traumatic. As it is, relationships are hard, and arguably more so in today’s world of online dating. People often misrepresent themselves on dating profiles, and connections can seem tenuous and superficial when texting is the main form of communication.

Dr Sachi
Dr. Sachi Ananda, Director of Shatterproof at FHE Health

Even so, if your problem is falling for people who are not right for you, there are things you can do to address and overcome the issue. Just ask Dr. Sachi Ananda, PhD, LMHC, MCAP. Dr. Ananda is the director of Shatterproof FHE Health, our specialized treatment program for first responders. What many may not know is that she is also a sex and relationships therapist, in addition to being trained in trauma therapy.

What follow are highlights from our interview with Dr. Ananda. Our interview covered a range of themes, including Dr. Ananda’s tips for reflecting on past relationship patterns, identifying red flags and unhealthy patterns, clarifying personal values and relationship goals, setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-respect, and seeking support and guidance for healthy relationship choices.

Reflecting on Past Relationship Patterns

There is the saying, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” We asked Dr. Ananda if she could suggest some guidelines for evaluating past relationship patterns, with a view to breaking the negative patterns….

Breaking Negative Patterns

What things should one look for when reflecting on past relationship patterns that might help to break any negative patterns?

“Look for times when your heart was broken,” Dr. Ananda said, before offering the following advice:

Were there similar qualities and characteristics of the people you were with? Review the average length of time you spent getting to know the other person before either having a sexual relationship and/or making an exclusive commitment to them. If the average length of time is short, consider what made you jump into the relationship so quickly. Evaluate your childhood development. Did your parents or other important adults show you how to have a healthy relationship, including being able to deal with conflicts directly and showing love to their partners? If not, evaluate the bad relationship patterns you may have inadvertently adopted.

The “Wrong Types of People” to Avoid?

Reflecting on our past relationship patterns is one helpful source of wisdom, but it also helps to have a working definition of “the wrong type or types of person.” Dr. Ananda divided these into two categories. First, “if you are looking for a long-term, committed and satisfying relationship, the ‘wrong person’ would be someone who has different goals or a different lifestyle and values.”

“Major differences in any of these areas can be an ongoing source of conflict, disharmony and discontentment,” Dr. Ananda said. She cited the cliché, ‘Opposites attract,’ to help illustrate how two people might find their differences “exciting at first” but over time discover those same differences to be “exhausting” as they strive “to keep a strong connection with each other.”

The second category of “wrong people” to avoid are the “toxic” ones: “People with certain untreated personality disorders—antisocial, narcissist, and paranoid personality disorders—would not only be toxic but also potentially dangerous,” Dr. Ananda said. She went on to briefly describe the characteristics of each of these disorders:

  • Antisocial types manipulate, exploit, and violate the rights of others.
  • Narcissists lack empathy and are unable to think of anybody except themselves.
  • Paranoid types have deep distrust issues, are suspicious of others for no reason, and keep their guard up.

Dr. Ananda qualified these comments by saying that “nobody is perfect, and everyone has their flaws … The difference is whether the person is willing to get help for these issues and maintain healthy behaviors for their recovery from these disorders.”

Identifying Red Flags and Unhealthy Patterns

What are some common unhealthy patterns that Dr. Ananda sees as a therapist?

“I think one of the biggest unhealthy patterns is having a sexual relationship too quickly without knowing the other person, agreeing on commitment to one another, or evaluating compatibility,” she said. “Another unhealthy pattern is depending on the other person to make you feel whole, special, or worthy.”

Relationship Red Flags

As for common red flags to look for in relationships?

“Some red flags are constant conflicts, complaints, and disagreements, no matter how big or small. Another red flag is being with someone who is often breaking engagements or exhibiting poor follow-through on shared goals or tasks. Lying, manipulating, and hiding behaviors are also red flags.

Of course, it may be hard at the start of a relationship, when everything seems new and exciting, to spot these sorts of issues. Did Dr. Ananda have any recommendations for how to be on the lookout for these red flags and unhealthy patterns? Yes. Her recommendation was to be open to letting a friend, family member, therapist, or other supportive person “evaluate how healthy the relationship is and whether it has potential for a happy future together.”

Clarifying Personal Values and Relationship Goals

What might this process look like? Are there steps or exercises that Dr. Ananda would recommend here?

“Spend time writing down the values you have and what values you want in a long-term partner,” she advised. “Journal a timeline history of relationships and find common patterns of dysfunction or poor decision-making. Work with a therapist who will give you assignments and feedback in these areas.”

Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Respect

This process of clarifying personal values and relationship goals is key to setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-respect—another step toward choosing the right people to date and fall in love with.

We asked Dr. Ananda for some tips for how to set healthy boundaries in relationships. Here is what she said:

First, couples need to learn how to evaluate how healthy their boundaries are with each other. After they can understand where they are at, they can then identify what goals they have in having healthier boundaries. Each person can identify their needs and share with each other what needs are not being met.

Choosing Healthy Relationships

People who fall for the same wrong type of person may struggle to put self-respect first, because they “may often be in a lot of turmoil during the relationship and are hyper-focused on making the relationship work.” Typically, this person is the one who ends up “heartbroken.”

This is why being intentional about setting healthy boundaries is so important. When you’ve been able to identify the boundaries that help you feel safe and have self-respect, those same boundaries can steer you in the direction of the right type of people and healthier relationships.

Seeking Support and Guidance for Healthy Relationship Choices

Support and guidance from “people who you see are healthy individuals and have shown an ability to have healthy relationships” is key to making healthy relationship choices, Dr. Ananda said.

“It helps to have a mixture of supports from those who know you well and also those who can be objective, such as a spiritual teacher or psychotherapist,” she added.

Attracting Positive Partners

Did Dr. Ananda have any more advice for how to attract positive partners? “First and foremost, take time learning about yourself, in particular your strengths, priorities and goals,” she said. “Make sure you know your unhealthy relationship patterns and be honest with yourself when you see yourself engaging in these patterns. And most importantly, work on loving yourself!”

When you’re loving yourself and living the life that you want to live, the right person is more likely to show up.

If relationship problems are affecting your mental health and quality of life, our experts at FHE Health may be able to help. Contact us anytime, day or night. Our counselors will be glad to assist you.

Filed Under: Featured in Experts, Learning, Expert Columns

About Kristina Robb-Dover

Kristina Robb-Dover is a content manager and writer with extensive editing and writing experience... read more

Primary Sidebar

Learning Center

  • Help for You
  • Help For Loved Ones
  • Help For Alcoholism
  • Help With Substance Abuse
  • Behavioral & Mental Health
  • Life in Recovery
  • Rehab Explained
  • All Articles

Sign up for the Blog

Our Facilities

Take a look at our state of the art treatment center.

View Our Gallery

The Experience Blog

  • Addiction News
  • Alumni
  • Community Events
  • Expert Columns
  • FHE Commentary
  • FHE News
  • Treatment Legislation
  • All Articles

Footer

FHE Health

© 2025 FHE Health

505 S Federal Hwy #2,
Deerfield Beach, Florida 33441
1-833-596-3502
youtube facebook instagram linkedin twitter
  • Contact
  • Careers at FHE Health
  • Privacy Policy
  • Sitemap
A+ BBB and Top Places to Work - Sun Sentinel

Copyright © 2025 · FHE Theme On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}

The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. If one of our articles is marked with a ‘reviewed for accuracy and expertise’ badge, it indicates that one or more members of our team of doctors and clinicians have reviewed the article further to ensure accuracy. This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care.

If there are any concerns about content we have published, please reach out to us at marketing@fhehealth.com.

833-596-3502

Text/Call Me