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Healing Your Relationship With Food:
- Part 1: Understanding the Mental Ties
- Part 2: The Physical Aspects
- Part 3: Emotional Eating
- Part 4: Restricting Food Due to Anxiety/Depression or for Weight Loss
- Part 5: Restricting Food Because of Busyness or a Fear of Pain
We rarely think about where our beliefs about food and our body come from. In fact, often people don’t even identify them as beliefs, but rather hard facts. The truth is that our beliefs about food have been, in large part, shaped by cultural norms, societal expectations, and the rise of diet culture. While there is much more to unpack here, today we are going to focus on flipping the switch and giving your mindset a makeover to help transform your relationship with food.
Thinking That Contributes to an Unhealthy Relationship with Food
In my 15-year career as a dietitian, I have noticed consistency in the words people use when describing food. “I was good; I ate a salad,” or, “I was bad; I ate pizza.” We place moral judgments on our food choices. However, the choice between pizza or salad is not a moral or ethical dilemma!
I repeatedly see that black-and-white thinking about food is the root of the problem. This leads to rigid thinking such as, “I can never eat this.” When people follow through on these thoughts and avoid these foods, they often feel a sense of accomplishment and control. Unfortunately, it is exactly that belief of “I can’t eat this” that leads to feelings of being out of control and failing when you inevitably do eat it.
Once you eat the forbidden food, the next common thoughts are, “Well, I’ve already messed up, so I might as well keep going,” or, “I need to get it in now while I can, because after this I’m stopping for good.” This creates a cycle: restrict, binge, feel guilt and shame, then back to restriction again. Feeling like I am reading your mind with these quotes? Keep reading – I’ve got more where that came from.
Addiction vs. Food: An Important Differentiation
Now I think it is important to differentiate this pattern with food vs. addiction. In recovery people are told to get out of the bad environment (where there is drugs, alcohol, etc.). However, you can’t do that with food. Nor should you have to. Most people think they need to treat food like an addiction, as if abstinence is the only solution. They don’t trust themselves that they can eat a normal portion size of “forbidden food,” then move on.
Beyond “Bad” vs. “Good” to a Healthier Relationship with Food
I am here to tell you that the problem isn’t the food. The problem is the beliefs you have about food, which lead to this thought pattern and vicious cycle.
STEP 1: Challenge Beliefs
It all starts with your belief about foods. What would you say if I told you that ALL foods have nutrients your body can utilize to thrive? Don’t believe me? Let’s break this down.
Our bodies utilize three macronutrients: carbohydrates, fats, and proteins.
Carbohydrates are our bodies’ first choice to produce energy for our body (production of ATP). Every cell of our body requires ATP. Carbs are like your body’s gas station — your cells need that fuel to keep running!
Proteins are essential for building and repairing tissue, producing enzymes for digestion and metabolism, and supporting immune function and hormonal regulation. Basically, protein is like your body’s repair crew, always fixing things and keeping everything running smoothly.
Every cell of our body is protected by a fat-based membrane. Fat is essential for hormone function, energy production (ATP), protecting your organs, and absorbing fat-soluble vitamins (i.e., A D E K) and phytochemicals (i.e., beta-carotene and curcumin).
Now I’m going to show you how to dismantle a previous belief about food. Once you see how it is done, you can repeat this process for all your “forbidden foods.” Let’s face it, no food should be “off-limits” — they’re just misunderstood.
Let’s start with pizza. Pizza is made of tomato sauce, cheese, and crust. Ask yourself if you judge these individual ingredients as “bad” when they are in other foods. For example, cheese and crackers are essentially the same as crust and cheese on the pizza. So, why is it that pizza gets the bad rap, while cheese and crackers are often considered a balanced and nutritious snack? Do you think cheese and crackers are “bad”? If the answer is “no,” then you can ask, “If I’m okay with cheese and crackers, why do I have a problem with pizza?
What if your current beliefs are that cheese is “bad” or flour is “bad”? Then you have to reevaluate these foods. Consider this: Cheese is high in calcium, phosphorus, vitamin B12, vitamin A, and riboflavin. It is also a good source of protein and fat. Some people get hung up on fat, but as we discussed previously, fat is essential for our bodies, and the fat in cheese can be perfectly fine as part of a balanced diet.
Now you can see that these “forbidden foods” still provide other nutrients your body needs. Remember, if you are getting a good variety and quantity of foods that are high in vitamins, minerals, fiber, phytochemicals, and other essential nutrients, there is still plenty of room to enjoy foods that may have fewer of these nutrients. Because at the end of the day, food is meant to be enjoyed — not feared.
STEP 2: Replace Thoughts
As we talked about earlier, there’s a predictable (and troublesome) sequence of thoughts that often pops up around food:
1. “This food is good; that food is bad.”
2. “I should avoid these ‘bad’ foods.”
3. “Oops, I ate something I shouldn’t have — guess I’ve already blown it, so I might as well eat everything and get it in while I can. I’m stopping after today. Promise!”
Consider replacing “I was good” and “I was bad” with: “I pick foods that fuel my body, keeping my brain sharp, my organs happy, and my immune system strong. Now, I’m going to enjoy this meal for the soul, because even though it might have less or certain nutrients, it’s a reminder that balance is key; and, I deserve to savor it!’
I encourage my clients to create their own “food mantra” — something that replaces those “good vs bad” food thoughts that your brain runs on autopilot, like a computer defaulting to the wrong setting.
Telling yourself you can’t have something only makes you want it more. You’re putting that food on a pedestal and giving it way too much power. Remember, restriction leads to binging.
Consider replacing this statement with more questions: “Am I hungry right now?” If yes, “Am I in the mood for ___ food?” If yes, “Am I due for a meal?” If yes, “Can this be my meal? Should it be part of my meal? Or is this a good food to eat when I want to top off a good meal?”
Additional questions you might ask:
What portions and types of foods can I have in my meal that will leave me feeling: satisfied, comfortably full, not hungry for at least two or more hours, focused, energized, and without upsetting my digestive system?
The goal is to replace strict food rules with a way of honoring both your body and desires. This is a key piece of the puzzle when it comes to mending your relationship with food.
While no foods are “bad,” if you have a food allergy or sensitivity to a certain food, it might not be a good fit for you. However, it is important to replace foods that you have sensitivities to for enjoyable options that you can tolerate. For example, if you are sensitive to gluten, do gluten-free cookies instead. If you are allergic to cow dairy, maybe you can tolerate pizza that uses feta, real buffalo milk mozzarella, or plant-based cheese option.
Conclusion
Identifying and challenging beliefs and thoughts about food is a fundamental step toward improving your relationship with food, but it’s not the only step. In part two you will learn more tips and tricks to heal that relationship. Remember, like anything in life, change takes practice and reinforcement. Consider creating routines and a support system to help reinforce these new concepts that you can always go back to.
You might find it’s like climbing a mountain — you might stumble and lose your footing along the way (where your mind goes back to old ways of thinking), but the important part is that you don’t give up. Even if you slip, you can always catch your balance and go back to practices that help you get back on track, and keep on climbing.
SNEAK PEAK – PART 2 TOPICS
Food as a coping strategy for other emotions and how to address this
Tying it all together with gratitude and mindfulness
Guest author Staci Shacter is a registered nutritionist with expertise in the mental health field.
