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Healing Your Relationship With Food:
- Part 1: Understanding the Mental Ties
- Part 2: The Physical Aspects
- Part 3: Emotional Eating
- Part 4: Restricting Food Due to Anxiety/Depression or for Weight Loss
- Part 5: Restricting Food Because of Busyness or a Fear of Pain
Our relationship with food is deeply personal, shaped by how we connect with it on a physical and emotional level. For many, food can become a source of comfort, stress relief, or a way to cope with difficult emotions. By practicing mindfulness and addressing emotional eating, we can create a healthier, more balanced relationship with food that nurtures both our body and mind.
In part one, we explored the mental aspects of improving our relationship with food, focusing on shedding the diet mentality and challenging the beliefs and negative thought patterns that shape our food views. In part two, we shifted to the physical factors that influence our relationship with food. Now, let’s dive into emotional eating. It’s important to note that for some individuals, emotions can also lead to restricting food. Be sure to check out part four, where we explore emotional food restriction in more detail.
Physical vs. Emotional Hunger
Sometimes, it can be difficult to tell whether you’re experiencing physical hunger or emotional hunger. While both may feel similar, they stem from different triggers and manifest in unique ways. To help you differentiate between the two, here’s a quick reference guide that outlines the key characteristics of each:
| Characteristic | Physical Hunger | Emotional Hunger |
| Onset | Gradual | Sudden |
| Trigger | Body’s need for fuel | Emotional state (stress, boredom, etc.) |
| Craving | Open to eating a variety of foods | Sharp, incessant craving, specific comfort foods (chips, sweets, etc.) |
| Physical Feeling | Stomach growls, emptiness | Urgency, often no stomach sensations, fixation on foods and its qualities |
| Satisfaction | Easy to satisfy | Temporary relief, still feels unsatisfied |
| After Eating | Feels satisfied and nourished | May feel guilt, regret, or still emotionally unsettled |
Emotional Eating
We all have our favorite comfort foods — those foods that provide a sense of familiarity and warmth, often evoking positive memories. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your favorite comfort food after a hard day. The problem arises when you eat past fullness, feel out of control, ignore your body’s signals, skip meals, and use food to avoid your emotions.
A healthy example of comfort eating might be enjoying a bowl of ice cream after dinner, feeling pleasantly full and satisfied. In contrast, emotional eating that may need attention could involve eating an entire gallon of ice cream to cope with feelings of distress, rather than eating it as a balanced choice alongside a meal. If you fall into the second category, keep reading — this is for you.
Unfortunately, when people are extremely stressed or emotional, their logical thinking tends to go out the window. As a result, simply telling them to eat ice cream in moderation after dinner isn’t likely to be effective. Remember, food is just the symptom — just like any other unhealthy coping strategy.
Over the years, I’ve developed a step-by-step process that has helped many individuals navigate and overcome emotional eating. While these steps can be transformative, they may require additional support along the way, such as working with a therapist or coach to fully address the underlying emotional triggers. Let’s dive into the process, so you can begin to break free from emotional eating and move toward a healthier, more balanced relationship with food.
Overcoming Emotional Eating
1. Ground Yourself First
When emotions are running high, our thoughts and words can often be reactive and not the best place to start. If you find yourself “at a 10,” start by grounding yourself. Slow, deep belly breathing, box breathing, or other breathwork techniques can help calm your nervous system and bring you down a few notches. If that’s not enough, try other grounding methods:
- Smell calming essential oils
- Take a cold or hot shower
- Hold ice, an ice pack, or frozen food
- Place a sprinkle of ginger, hot pepper, clove, a few drops of lemon juice, or a sour candy on your tongue. Close your eyes, hold there, and concentrate on the sensation.
- Stand or sit barefoot on the earth
- Listen to calming music or nature sounds
- Move your body (gentle stretching or walking can work wonders). Emotions can get trapped in the body. There are lots of different movement strategies for this (i.e., Qigong shaking)
2. Movement for an Extra Boost
If grounding techniques aren’t quite cutting it, or if you need more time to calm down before exploring your emotions, consider physical movement. Walking, running, or any form of exercise can significantly boost your mood and reduce stress. When we move, our muscles release compounds that help us cope with stress and improve our emotional resilience.
3. Feel Your Emotions Without Judgment
To be mindful is to be present without judgement. It involves paying attention to the present experience with openness, curiosity, and acceptance, rather than reacting to or analyzing it. Allow yourself to feel the emotion fully without trying to suppress or judge it. Notice where you feel it in your body. Is it tightness in your chest? A pit in your stomach? Simply observe the sensation without labeling it as “good” or “bad.” Remember, emotions are temporary; this feeling will pass, and whatever you’re experiencing is completely valid.
Many people turn to emotional eating to escape or numb their feelings. However, those feelings are often still present when the eating stops. Begin with grounding techniques, then create space for yourself to feel those emotions without judgment.
4. Process the Emotion
Once you’ve grounded yourself and identified the root of your emotion, try processing it further. Journaling or talking about it (with a friend, therapist, or even recording yourself) can be incredibly helpful. If you prefer speaking, try using a voice recording app on your phone — maybe while walking or pacing outside. You might even find it helpful to imagine sending the recording to someone, even if you never actually do. Listening to the recording after can offer fresh perspectives. Art therapy is also a powerful way to process emotions, especially if you’re someone who expresses yourself better visually.
Typically, when people speak their thoughts aloud or journal, they experience a sense of release, as if they’re lightening their emotional load, or they gain new insight, seeing the situation from a different perspective than when it was just swirling in their mind.
5. Identify and Addressing Triggers
ABCDE is a DBT strategy for identifying and addressing triggers by breaking down the situation logically:
- A = Activating Event (What triggered your reaction?)
- B = Beliefs (What thoughts or beliefs arose in response?)
- C = Consequences (What emotions or behaviors did you experience?)
- D = Disputation (Challenge unhelpful beliefs or assumptions)
- E = New Effect (What new, more balanced perspective can you adopt?)
This skill helps you reframe emotional triggers by looking at the event objectively and addressing any unhelpful beliefs.
By using the ABCDE framework, you can begin to break down your emotional reactions and challenge the beliefs that fuel them, creating space for a more balanced response. From there, ask yourself, “Is there another way I can view this situation that’s equally true but doesn’t make me feel so bad?”
6. Take Action Toward Meeting Unmet Needs
If you’ve identified any unmet physical or emotional needs, think about how you can start addressing them. Write down what the need is and the steps you can take to meet it. For example, if you’re feeling unsupported, how can you reach out to others for support? Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it. Taking small actions toward fulfilling your needs can reduce the urge to emotionally eat.
8. Mindful Eating Check-In
If after all of this, you still feel the urge to eat, ask yourself the following questions:
How long has it been since my last meal? If it’s been several hours and you’re due for a meal, start by eating a balanced meal slowly and mindfully. Once you’ve had a proper meal, you can then decide whether you still want the other foods you’re craving, but do so with mindfulness.
Am I physically hungry, or is this emotional hunger? If you’re physically hungry but not yet due for a meal, consider having one serving of what you’re craving and pairing it with protein and fiber. This can help you feel more satisfied and prevent overeating, while still enjoying the food you’re craving. For example, if you’re craving chips, try putting a handful on a plate and pairing them with some baby carrots and a couple of cheese sticks.
Closing Thoughts
Remember, emotional eating is not a reflection of your worth or willpower — it’s a sign that there may be deeper emotional needs that need attention. By practicing mindfulness, grounding yourself, and exploring your emotional triggers, you can begin to break free from the cycle of emotional eating and nourish both your body and your mind in a balanced way. Take it one step at a time, and know that you are not alone in this journey. Keep going, and be kind to yourself as you work toward a more peaceful, mindful connection with food.
