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The transition from active military duty to civilian life can be challenging on multiple fronts for veterans. Raymond (“Ray”) McDaniel knows. As a clinical therapist and a program lead for Shatterproof FHE Health, our specialized treatment program for first responders, McDaniel has come alongside many people who in various ways have struggled to adjust after life in the military. (Roughly half of Shatterproof patients are in the military, according to McDaniel.)
McDaniel’s expertise in this area is also deeply personal. He has an intimate understanding of the sacrifices that men and women in the military make — and how hard it can be to re-acclimate to civilian life — from his own lived experience. McDaniel is a 22-year veteran of the U.S. Air Force, having served in rescue missions and combat communications, often in supervisory roles.
We reached out to McDaniel for his insights into why the adjustment to civilian life can be difficult, and what supports, mental health and other, he might recommend to those struggling. He shared the following reflections….
What Makes Re-Entry into Civilian Life Hard
When we asked McDaniel what makes re-entry into civilian life hard, he shared the following challenges:
- A sense of inadequacy about one’s skills and preparedness – “I’ve talked to a lot of vets about this,” McDaniel said. “For some reason we have this fear when we get out that we’ll be behind the curve when we enter the corporate world or government or another setting, because for some reason we’re under the impression that people are sharper or more skilled.” However, more time in the general workforce often dispels this notion. “We soon find out we’re way ahead of that curve,” McDaniel said, noting aptitudes like discipline, structure, and solution-based approaches that often make veterans desirable job candidates.
- A lack of purpose – “Our purpose [in the military] is to protect the U.S., but our purpose is also to stay alive — and the people around us are the ones who do that for us, and we do that for them; but once you enter the civilian world, people don’t have your back, and there’s a lack of team support,” McDaniel said. “Some days I do feel like I wish I was with my team in a war zone, because we had a mission and that defined sense of purpose.”
- Challenges finding employment – Yes, McDaniel acknowledged, there are many employers that want to hire vets. The other reality, though, is that men and women who have been in combat may be hired by a police or fire department and then struggle with “a mental block.” They may come into a police department and, after having been in combat, think their fellow officers “haven’t seen anything” and wonder “why they’re complaining.” This mindset can be an obstacle to employment and job retention.
- Loss of identity – “You’re so used to having people on your team and on your missions,” McDaniel said. “You still have this identity of protecting people on the team, and it’s almost like a family that you’ve lost.”
- Loss of structure – “We don’t really realize how much loss of structure there really is until we go into the civilian world. We think we’re behind this curve, but truly we’re way ahead of the game in those areas.” As one illustration of the adjustment to a more unstructured environment, McDaniel used the simple but profound example of the uniform. “In the military, the first thing you do when you go to work is put a uniform on, but in the civilian world, it’s ‘what do we wear?’”
- Reconnecting with family and developing a home routine – “If one spouse has been away, the other spouse is running the home, paying the bill, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn — they’re doing everything.” Meanwhile, “the spouse who is used to being away and is now home all the time sometimes wants to go away again, but they can’t because they’re no longer in the military.” It is also not uncommon for the spouse who has been away, and who is used to the freedom of doing what they want when they want — (without having to tell their spouse what they’re up to) — to get frustrated by the new normal. “When you’re together and home all the time, suddenly you’ve got to answer to somebody. This can be very hard on a marriage or living arrangement because you’re not used to it.”
Common Mental Health Challenges During Re-Entry
What are the most common mental health issues that McDaniel sees during the transition to civilian life? “Depression, anxiety, anger and frustration.” Here is how he described it:
Most people don’t experience depression as a clear, overt struggle like “I can’t get out of bed,” but they do feel it in the form of anxiety and anger. They walk through life surrounded by others, yet feel disconnected, like they’ve lost trust in the world around them. They’ve been in situations where they couldn’t trust anyone, where danger was always present, and now they must find a way to navigate a world where the threat is gone — but the habit of mistrust remains. It’s hard to adjust to a reality where the people around them aren’t trying to hurt them, and where trust is something they must relearn.
Survivor’s guilt is another major contributor to mental health challenges among returning vets, according to McDaniel. He linked it to the higher rates of suicide within this population.
Mental Health and Other Tips and Supports for Re-Entry
What mental health tips, supports and resources would McDaniel recommend for those struggling to re-acclimate to civilian life? He offered the following suggestions:
- The Veterans Administration – The Veterans Crisis Line is a free, confidential service that connects vets and their loved ones with Department of Veterans Affairs responders. Vets can also get individual therapy by contacting the VA, McDaniel said. He said he encounters the occasional complaint that a VA therapist was too young and inexperienced, having only just gotten their degree; but “not all VA therapists are young and right out of school,” he said, adding that “if you listen to what the therapist says, you can get some help.”
- State unemployment centers – “They get the largest percentage of jobs and employers and are motivated to help you find a job, because the faster they get you on the roll, the more they help the state.” Any unemployment office, though, “will help you get a job, create your resume, and have classes on skills like how to network. They also have a section for veterans and veteran-friendly companies.”
- Tell someone you love and trust what you’re going through – “It’s all about communication. If a veteran doesn’t communicate to their spouse, family, or people on the job regarding how they’re feeling, they’re going to keep it to themselves. And if they only surround themselves with veterans’ groups, they never will come to feel accepted, because they’ll keep saying, ‘these civilians don’t get it.’ They need to reach out to their spouses or family members.”
Acceptance and Growth in Life After the Military
This perspective that “civilians don’t get it” and can’t appreciate what it’s really like to serve in combat and on military missions is one of the hardest things to overcome in life after the military. McDaniel gave voice to it this way:
When you come back to the U.S. and you walk around, you literally feel like you’re in The Truman Show. You think, “These people don’t have any idea what’s going on.” They have no clue about the true definition of humanity — and it’s very depressing at first, until you realize that’s okay because they’ll never experience it. That’s a big deal for people in the military. We walk around Costco or the mall and think [of civilians], “You’re sitting here and have no idea what we go through.”
With acceptance of this reality, and that life after military service will never be the same again, growth can happen, McDaniel said:
It’s post-traumatic growth, and you must accept this fact as your new normal; and you must think of the experience in terms of the things you’ve gained from it, and at the end of the day it gives you wisdom.
If the adjustment to civilian life is negatively affecting you or a loved one’s mental health, reach out to us anytime. We’re here to help you begin to feel better, starting today.
