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Yelling in a relationship is almost never good, and it can sometimes be a sign that things have gone very wrong for one or both parties. It can be a result of various underlying issues such as stress, frustration or ineffective communication. It can also be part of a larger pattern of abusive behavior that has to be stopped. This issue affects roughly 10 million adults in the United States each year.
At one extreme, an angry, yelling husband can be terrifying to deal with, and sometimes verbal assault can be part of a larger situation involving domestic violence. At the other end of the spectrum, you may not feel threatened when your husband snaps at you, but it can still be an upsetting experience, especially with children in the home.
If your husband yells at you, your first priority is your own safety and that of your children. Beyond that, it’s important to make the yelling stop because the negative emotional effects of verbal abuse tend to build until your marriage has suffered potentially irreparable harm. Fortunately, while it’s not normal for your husband to yell at you, it’s also not unheard of, and help is available.
Why Does My Husband Yell At Me?
People yell for a lot of reasons, and it isn’t always clear why any given person is raising their voice. Often, it results from emotional distress, such as anger or frustration. Within a marriage, yelling is usually not appropriate, and if your husband is yelling at you, it may be a sign of serious trouble with anger management. At a low level, this behavior causes distress, while at the high end, it can be a serious sign of current or impending abuse.
Effects of Yelling on Mental Health
Even a single episode of yelling can cause acute emotional distress, especially if the behavior is unusual or seems to happen for no reason. Over a longer period, repeated episodes of yelling rise to the level of abuse and can contribute to multiple negative emotional outcomes. Wives who have to deal with a verbally aggressive husband may experience fear, depression and a host of other bad effects.
Communication Strategies for Dealing With Yelling
If your husband yells at you a single time, you might have to improvise a solution on the spot. Express your feelings calmly and assertively using “I” statements. Let him know how his yelling affects you, and work together to find healthier ways to communicate. This can be a simple conversation in the moment or an effort to get some distance and let the situation calm down for a bit before talking.
The situation might call for a temporary timeout for both of you, even if it’s just a few hours or a single night, to let things calm down. In more serious cases, such as when you feel unsafe, you may have to call for help from law enforcement or leave to stay someplace safe for an extended time.
As you communicate with your husband about this issue, remember to keep your communication as productive as possible. Set definite boundaries before approaching the subject with your spouse, and be serious about enforcing them. Avoid accusing or inflammatory language, such as generalizing about your husband’s perceived shortcomings and other issues. Instead, try to focus on how his yelling affects you and what steps you’re ready to take to stop the behavior.
Seeking Professional Help
Sometimes, it’s not enough to discuss things and move on. If your husband routinely yells at you, he yells in the presence of children, or you’re afraid he might hurt you or the kids, it’s time to get professional help. This can be a call to law enforcement to get the situation under control. Over a longer period of time, you may need to seek out a professional couples therapist and/or a peer-support group where you can get the assistance you need to manage the situation.
A peer-support group can lend you perspective and emotional support as you try to set healthy boundaries. A couples therapist can help you set up a program and learn strategies for avoiding negative emotional interactions and managing yelling and other problems as they arise. In an emergency, you can rely on law enforcement to step in and prevent escalation to physical violence or other dangerous forms of abuse.
Remember, yelling can be a form of emotional abuse if it’s used to control, manipulate or demean the other person. It’s important to seek help if you feel you’re being emotionally abused in your marriage. You can seek support from friends, family or a therapist. There are also support groups and online resources available for individuals experiencing relationship issues.
Coping and Self-Care Strategies
As you work through these issues with your husband, it’s important not to neglect yourself. Being yelled at takes an emotional toll on your life, and over time, it can contribute to depression, anxiety and several other serious effects. Take note of these issues, and don’t treat them lightly. As you and your husband work together to adjust to a dysfunctional dynamic like this, getting yourself emotionally well is a major part of the road to recovery.
Many of the strategies you can try revolve around managing stress. These can include:
- Exercise
- Hobbies
- Yoga
- Activities with friends
- Family time, including time with extended family
- Church or religious activities
What to Do When ‘My Husband Snaps at Me’
If your husband raises his voice in anger, and you find yourself asking, “Why is my husband yelling at me?” you need to find a solution as soon as possible. This issue can escalate over time, and it’s acutely distressing while it’s going on. You’re not alone, though, and help isn’t far away. Contact the empathetic counselors at FHE Health today to get advice and referrals for help in your area.
