The Value of Self-Compassion, From a Mental Health Expert

The concept of self-compassion has been around for at least 2,500 years, thanks to its roots in Buddhist philosophy, but has enjoyed an enormous resurgence in recent years. Much of this interest stems from research into the psychological benefits of self-compassion and its value as a healthier way of relating to oneself and one’s world.

What are these positive mental health effects of self-compassion, and how might you develop more of this mindset? Are there specific practices or habits that help to cultivate this quality? Few are better qualified to offer advice in this area than the director of our specialized treatment program for first responders, Shatterproof at FHE Health. In addition to her mental health expertise, Dr. Sachi Ananda, Ph.D., LMHC, MCAP, is a practitioner of Zen Buddhism, so understands self-compassion as it is understood in that tradition. What follow are highlights from our interview.

Introduction to Self-Compassion and Insights on the Mental Health Benefits

What is self-compassion, to begin with?

“Self-compassion is allowing oneself to be human,” Dr. Ananda said. “This means forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes, recognizing our special strengths, and accepting our limitations.”

Dr. Ananda described self-compassion from a spiritual perspective: “It is also understanding a spiritual principle that we came into this world with suffering in order to learn new lessons for us to become better people and get closer to our higher power.”

Mental Health and Self-Kindness

What are the mental health benefits of self-compassion? Dr. Ananda listed a number of them:

• “Having self-compassion can greatly increase our self-esteem and self-worth.”
• “When we are able to love ourselves, then depression can be lifted, anxiety calms down, and we are able to better focus on the present moment.”
• “It can help with trauma from physical, emotional or sexual abuse where we blamed ourselves as victims and held resentments towards our abusers.”

Practical Advice for Cultivating Self-Compassion

For a lot of us, self-compassion does not come easily, especially if we have been programmed to be judgmental and hyper-critical. Could Dr. Ananda offer any practical advice or specific strategies for developing more self-compassion in our everyday lives?

Expert Advice on Self-Compassion and Building Self-Compassion Skills

“Start off with a daily journal practice of writing affirmations about your positive qualities and characteristics,” Dr. Ananda said. “Ask people close to you what they like about you and what areas you may be too hard on yourself.”

“Spiritual practices can help provide foundations of healthy core values, which may include compassion for self and others, forgiveness, tolerance, understanding and patience.” Some examples of spiritual practices that encourage self-compassion:

• Meditation – These three simple meditations from the Buddhist tradition are one example.
• Mindfulness exercises – For instance, the body-scan technique is one way to get in touch with and accept and welcome whatever you might be feeling in the present moment.
• Prayer using a mantra – This might involve the repetition of an affirmation such as “May I be kind to myself” or “May I accept myself as I am.”
• Sit in quietude – Dr. Ananda learned this practice from her spiritual teacher Guru Swami G. Sitting in a quiet place and focusing your eyes on something like a piece of nature can help you feel more connected to yourself and others, dissolving separation and division.

Forgiveness and Ways to Practice Self-Forgiveness

Forgiveness, both of oneself and of one’s neighbor, is another core spiritual practice that can support a self-compassion mindset. Here is how Dr. Ananda described self-forgiveness in particular:

It is easy to be hard on ourselves if we did not do something perfectly, did not achieve what we hoped for, or regret what we did wrong. If we can forgive ourselves for all that, then it creates a space for self-love and compassion to grow and flower.

Can you suggest some ways to practice self-forgiveness? we asked. Dr. Ananda shared the following tips:

• Review the mistakes and perceived failures in your life. Next to each one, write down a positive outcome from the situation or how you may have grown stronger from this.
• Several of the principles of the 12 steps from Alcoholics Anonymous can be useful for the self-forgiveness process. The steps include making a “fearless moral inventory” of oneself and making amends where appropriate.
• If you cannot forgive yourself fully, give yourself permission to start the process of forgiving yourself. When this space opens, ask others what you can do to feel better about yourself.

The Importance and Impact of Self-Compassion

It might be tempting to think that self-compassion is only impactful at an individual level. Dr. Ananda challenged this assumption. Becoming kinder to oneself doesn’t just have personal value, in terms of its mental health benefits—it has social value, too, she said.

“There would be less conflict, social unrest, and civil discord in society if we all had more self-compassion.” Why? “If we are happy with ourselves, we have more of a chance to be happy with others.”