Grief is something almost everyone experiences at some point. As of 2021, around 26% of the U.S. population had lost both of their parents, and 44.2% had lost at least one parent. Whether you’ve already had to face grief or not, it’s normal to fear losing someone close to you, and that fear of loss can be quite debilitating for some individuals. In this guide, we look at how to come to terms with the fear of losing a loved one and discuss when you might need to seek professional help for that emotion.
Understanding the Fear of Loss and Grief
If you care about someone, it’s normal to worry about their safety and well-being. If a person close to you is diagnosed with a serious illness, or even if they announce they’re moving a long distance away, this news can cause what’s known as anticipatory grief.
The prospect of losing someone close to you can be difficult to process. The person is still in your life, yet the knowledge that they won’t be there forever can cause you to mourn their loss prematurely, preventing you from enjoying the time you have with them.
Fear of loss may cause you to stay in a bad situation and act in risk-averse ways. It can rob you of opportunities to enjoy your life in the moment because of something that may or may not happen. It’s essential to know how to identify this fear of loss and determine whether it’s a proportionate and appropriate feeling.
Common Emotional and Physical Responses
Feeling some fear of losing someone is a normal and healthy emotion; however, if such emotions are dominating your thoughts and interfering with your daily life, it could be a good idea to talk to someone about your concerns.
Some common emotional and physical responses to fear of losing a loved one include:
- Sadness about the loved one’s illness
- Fear that the illness is progressing
- Low mood when thinking about the future
- Anxiety about how you’ll cope in the future
- Anger about the person’s condition
- Hopelessness because you can’t cure them/change the situation
- Guilt or shame over the situation
- Denial of the situation
- Conflicting emotions and shame because of those emotions
- Numbness
- A feeling of detachment from the situation
Everyone reacts differently to the news that a loved one has a serious illness. You may have ups and downs, with certain thoughts or emotions being more prominent on different days. These changing feelings are also normal. Try not to put pressure on yourself to behave or think in a specific way. Spend time with your feelings and try to understand where they’re coming from so you can process them and enjoy the time you have with your loved one.
How Fear of Losing Someone Manifests in Daily Life
People respond to a fear of losing someone in different ways. You may feel angry or hopeless because while you’re faced with the potential loss of someone you care about, people around you are moving on with their lives normally. It can be difficult to watch the rest of the world go on as usual when you’re processing feelings of grief over a loss that those around you aren’t aware of.
You may also find yourself pulling away from the person you’re scared of losing or detaching from the situation and becoming numb. This might be a subconscious attempt to protect yourself from the intense feelings that come with losing someone.
If you’re experiencing the second type of response to fear of loss, try to think about what you’re scared of and what your motivations are. If you can reframe your outlook and understand that loss is inevitable and a beautiful part of life, you might be able to make better choices about how you spend your time today. Learning to enjoy the time you have with people and seize the opportunities in front of you can give you the chance to build a rich, varied and impactful life.
Strategies for Coping With Anticipatory Grief
Clear, open and honest communication is an important part of coping with anticipatory grief. By talking to those close to you about the coming loss, you can start preparing for it and process your feelings.
Some strategies for coping with anticipatory grief include:
- Talk to caregivers and medical professionals to learn as much as possible about the medical condition, how it might progress and the prognosis.
- Join a support group where you can speak freely with others who aren’t directly related to you but are experiencing the same thing.
- Try to accept the coming loss, and use the time you have to create positive memories and improve the quality of time you have with your loved one.
- Enlist support from friends and family members so you can have some respite from the stress of caring for someone.
When to Seek Professional Help
If the fear of losing a loved one is impacting your ability to lead a normal life or keep up with your day-to-day responsibilities, it may be a good idea to talk to a counselor who can help you process your feelings of grief or anxiety.
If you’re experiencing a fear of loss that’s intense, centers around something other than a loved one or doesn’t have a clear cause, such as a medical diagnosis, finding someone to talk to about your fears could also be beneficial. A therapist or counselor can help you understand where your fears are coming from and help you channel your feelings of attachment in a healthy way.
Supporting Loved Ones Who Are Struggling With Fear of Loss
If someone close to you is struggling with a fear of loss, it can be difficult to know what to say or do to support them. Try to be present for them and allow them to freely express their feelings. Understand that they might have conflicting emotions, and avoid judging them for any anger or frustration they might express.
Be patient with them, and accept that their moods and energy levels might be unpredictable while they process their feelings. Remind them that their feelings are valid and they can come to you for emotional or practical support.
Reach Out for Help
At FHE Health, we offer a variety of support options for people struggling with their mental health. Contact us today to learn how we can help you or your loved ones cope with the intense fear of loss.
