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Empathy has become something of a buzzword in today’s increasingly polarized society. Years ago, the only time most people heard about empathy issues was when psychologists talked about sociopathic serial murderers like Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy on TV crime shows. But what do psychologists mean when they make statements like “Dahmer was unable to feel empathy for his victims,” or “Bundy was a classic psychopath with no morals, no sense of right or wrong, no empathy”?
What Is Empathy?
Merriam-Webster defines empathy as “The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts and experience of another.” The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: “The ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.”
Modern neuroscience has deepened our understanding of empathy, revealing it as a complex, multi-component process rather than a simple trait. Empathy involves specific neural networks that activate when we observe others’ emotional states, suggesting it has deep evolutionary roots.
Here’s a real-world example of the definition of empathy:
Rachel had never liked Roger, her best friend Monica’s boyfriend of 1 year. Late one night, Monica arrived sobbing and distraught at Rachel’s apartment. Roger had broken up with her, claiming he was in love with someone else, a woman he had been seeing for the past 3 months. Although Rachel had always believed Roger was no good, she reserved her judgment, hugged Monica and listened attentively while she talked about how much Roger had hurt and betrayed her. Rachel told Monica several times that she understood how she felt and would help her get through this ordeal.
Rachel could have said things like “I told you a long time ago Roger was a horrible person” or “You see what happened when you didn’t ditch that guy months ago?” Instead, Rachel empathized with Monica by indicating she genuinely felt and shared Monica’s unhappiness.
How would you have reacted if you’d been Rachel, who intuitively sensed from day one that Roger wasn’t a nice person but couldn’t persuade Monica to stop seeing him? Would you have felt sorry for Monica, or would you have felt indifferent and vindicated?
The Neuroscience of Empathy Issues
Neuroscience has given us fresh insight into how empathy works in our bodies. Brain scans show specific parts of the brain light up when we feel empathy for others. These brain areas work together to help us understand and share other people’s feelings.
Empathy could be considered a deeper form of compassion that goes beyond simply feeling sorry for someone. When you empathize with another person’s distress, you’re sharing that distress, actually experiencing that emotion with another human being. The common expression of “I feel sorry for them” means you cognitively understand why they’re upset but, for one reason or another, aren’t inclined or capable of absorbing the full extent of their emotional state.
Neuroscientists recently discovered that empathy appears to have emerged as part of human evolution. It’s possible that empathy may have both a genetic basis and a learned aspect, which could help explain why some people are more empathetic than others.
Childhood experiences play a role in emotional development and can significantly influence a person’s capacity for empathy or having no empathy. When children grow up in hostile family environments characterized by abuse or neglect, they may develop antisocial behaviors or aggression and struggle with empathetic responses as adults. These early formative experiences shape neural pathways related to emotional processing, potentially limiting the ability to understand or share the feelings of others.
Types of Empathy
Modern psychology recognizes two main types of empathy, each with different neurological underpinnings, and a third more subtle nuance of compassionate empathy.
- Cognitive empathy means understanding another person’s perspective intellectually without necessarily sharing their emotions. This type relies on regions of the brain associated with executive function and perspective-taking.
- Emotional empathy is actually feeling what another person is feeling. This involves mirror neurons and limbic system activation, creating a genuine emotional resonance with others.
- Compassionate empathy combines understanding with the motivation to help. This integrates both cognitive and emotional components, leading to prosocial behavior.
Understanding these distinctions helps explain why some people might understand others’ situations without emotionally connecting to them (cognitive empathy), or why others might feel overwhelmed by people’s emotions without being able to help effectively.
Is There Such a Thing as Lack of Empathy Disorder?
Although having no empathy isn’t listed as a mental illness in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it could be one of many signs of a serious mental illness. However, people with empathy issues don’t necessarily need psychological counseling. High-functioning autistic individuals, such as those with Asperger’s syndrome, are known for often lacking social skills, being emotionally flat and lacking empathy. Trying to cope with anxiety disorders, depression, phobias and other mental health problems can cause a person to lack empathy simply because they’re distracted by their own psychological issues.
The National Library of Medicine Medicine notes that empathy deficits are associated with several psychiatric conditions. This research suggests that different conditions may affect different components of the empathy system rather than completely eliminating empathy.
Is Lack of Empathy a Mental Illness?
Have you ever been told you lack empathy? Do you know someone who may have lack of empathy disorder? Characteristics of people who lack empathy include:
- Quick to criticize others without considering what that person could be going through or feeling
- Appearing coldly indifferent toward less fortunate people
- Always viewing events through a black or white lens — they’re right and everybody else is wrong
- Difficulty maintaining steady relationships with family or friends
- Preferring to talk about themselves and not caring about or attempting to listen to what anybody else has to say
- Blaming people for their problems even when those problems are unavoidable. Example: Fred’s house was destroyed by a tornado. His neighbor Al blames Fred for the destruction because “he didn’t open his windows” to help reduce the pressure of the tornado. Of course, Al opened his windows and his house didn’t sustain damage, but only because the tornado didn’t touch down near his home.
Low empathy may result from a variety of factors, including neurological differences, childhood experiences or even temporary conditions like stress or burnout.
Many people can’t empathize with another person’s suffering but can continue living a fairly normal life. They can hold down jobs, have a loose set of friends and even get married. However, when signs of lack of empathy are accompanied by signs of sociopathy, the need for mental health treatment becomes critical to that person’s well-being and the well-being of others.
What differentiates lack of empathy from sociopathy? True sociopaths like serial killers feel no remorse or guilt over committing reprehensible acts. They have no sense of morals, ethics or concern for others. Sociopaths can appear to be personable, charming, smart and even charismatic. They’re also master manipulators who use people to get what they want, and that includes satisfying the urge to physically or emotionally hurt others.
The Challenge of Empathy Fatigue
A relatively new concept in empathy research is empathy fatigue, which is the depletion of empathic capacity due to overexposure to others’ suffering, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Initially identified in health care workers, this condition is now recognized in broader populations exposed to ongoing global crises and social media narratives of suffering.
Signs of empathy fatigue include:
- Emotional numbness when exposed to others’ problems
- Withdrawal from social situations
- Feeling overwhelmed by others’ needs
- Decreased motivation to help
- Physical symptoms like fatigue and tension
Recognizing these signs is important, as empathy fatigue can lead to more serious conditions like depression or burnout if left unaddressed.
Can Someone Learn to Be More Empathetic?
Developing empathy begins in childhood. Children raised in warm, loving households are much more likely to become empathetic adults. If you have always found it difficult to empathize with others, you might consider counseling to resolve issues involving a troubled childhood.
The good news is that research published by Indiana University’s Lilly Family School of Philanthropy has discovered that empathy is a fluid trait that can grow or shrink based on our experiences. People can learn to be more empathetic by consistently making a good-faith attempt to practice certain behaviors:
- Practice active listening. When relevant during a conversation, share your own problems that are similar to what others are talking about. Show you’re truly listening to them by making eye contact and nodding to indicate you understand how they feel.
- Maintain eye contact. This is vital to learning how to be more empathetic. Don’t look around the room, check your text messages or fidget like you’re impatient.
- Think about what you’re about to say before saying it. If it’s sarcastic, inconsiderate or accusatory, don’t say it. It’s better to just continue listening and remaining silent than to say something hurtful.
- Engage in perspective-taking exercises. Deliberately imagine others’ experiences to activate empathy and increase the desire to be helpful. Try to regularly imagine specific situations from others’ viewpoints.
- Read literature and narratives. This can help you explore characters’ inner lives and increase the level of empathy you feel. It also provides a safe way to practice perspective-taking.
- Consider doing volunteer work. Helping individuals who are less fortunate than you is a great way to work on improving your empathetic skills.
- Read self-help empathy books. This can help you learn about ways to increase your empathy. Many excellent resources are available to guide you through specific exercises and techniques for building empathy skills.
Should Someone Seek Help for Lack of Empathy?
Empathy is a skill that can be developed with practice and the right guidance. By making a conscious effort to understand and connect with others, you can enhance your relationships, career prospects and overall well-being.
Lacking empathy can significantly interfere with your ability to enjoy long-term, heartfelt relationships with family members and friends. Lack of empathy disorder may also hamper your chances of being promoted at work. If you’ve been told you’re not empathetic or suspect an inability to be empathetic is related to a mental health, drug or alcohol problem, reach out to us anytime for a free consultation. We may be able to help you address the underlying cause so you can be more effective at work and fulfilled in your relationships.
