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Understanding why grief is important and how to grieve well makes handling a difficult loss more manageable. While losing someone is never easy, there are ways to frame grief so you can learn to move past the immediate pain and keep your loved one close in your memories.
Grief is a natural, normal response to loss, though it can sometimes make you feel you have no control over your emotions. Give yourself room to accept the importance of grieving and learn what the grief process entails so you’re prepared to process loss emotionally in a healthy way.
Why Is Grief Important?
Before you can understand why grief is important, you need to understand what it entails. Grief isn’t simply sadness over a loss. It also involves a process of coming to terms with the loss and moving from intense emotional reactions to a state of acceptance.
While there’s no specific timeline for grief and the length of time involved in the grieving process can vary greatly depending on the individual and the circumstances, most people adapt in some way by 6 to 12 months after the loss. In many cases, a person can work through grief with the help of a support group, clergy member or therapist. About 7% of grieving people experience a condition called complicated grief, which is more intense and may require professional help to manage.
People who develop complicated grief feel helpless in the face of the intense emotions surrounding their grieving process. They may avoid reminders of the loss and be unable to return to normal functioning even months or years after the loss.
Understanding the Grief Process
The grieving process takes time, and most people experience several phases of grief as they work through the loss of a loved one. The main emotional stages of grief include:
- Shock. This stage of grief is usually experienced as numbness or disbelief. You might have trouble accepting that news of the loss is true.
- Denial. During the denial stage, you might deny the loss or your feelings about the loss. Denial and shock may be the brain’s way of protecting you from overwhelming traumatic emotions until you’re ready to face them.
- Anger. In the anger stage, you might have intense feelings of rage toward doctors, family members, religious deities or even the person who died. Sometimes death feels like a betrayal, especially if you had plans and built your life around the idea of the person being there.
- Bargaining. During this stage, you might try to bargain away the loss or pain. You may experience intrusive thoughts about what you might have done differently to prevent the loss or make mental promises to behave a certain way if the loss is reversed.
- Depression. This is the stage when people feel sadness and emptiness. Depression is the stereotypical presentation of grief, even though it’s only a part of the overall grief process. It might also occur concurrently with other stages or recur periodically even after you think the grieving process is mostly over.
- Testing. During the testing stage, you may spend time trying to find ways to cope with the loss. Other stages may recur at this point, and they may be even more intense than the first time.
- Acceptance. The acceptance stage isn’t the end of grief; it’s merely an acknowledgment of the new circumstances and the realization that life will go on, even if things look different because an important person is no longer present.
Not everyone goes through all the emotional stages of grief, and people often experience the stages out of order, sometimes returning to a previous stage for a while before continuing the process.
Coping Mechanisms
When dealing with grief, you can do things to help move through the stages and cope with your emotional state. Some coping mechanisms you might consider include:
- Giving yourself the space to grieve. Loss takes time, and you don’t have to rush to return to regular activities. Sometimes you need a break to process the loss before being able to cope with everyday life.
- Avoiding excessive distractions. While it can be healthy to engage in activities that help you focus on things other than your loss, too much distraction can hamper the grieving process. Try to create a balance between focusing on your grief and doing things that bring you joy or peace.
- Surrounding yourself with a supportive community. Seek out people who listen to you talk about your loss and help with everyday tasks that might seem overwhelming during the early stages of grief. Talking with others who share your loss, such as family members or friends who were also close to the person, can make you feel less alone in your grief. It may also help to speak with people who weren’t as close to your loved one but are willing to listen to you express your feelings about the loss or share memories of the person.
- Taking care of your personal needs. Eat healthy, drink lots of water and get sufficient sleep while you grieve. Regular exercise, such as a daily walk or yoga class, also helps keep you focused.
The goal of coping mechanisms for grief is to move through the various stages and reach a point where your loss is one part of your life, not the entire focus of each day.
Seeking Support
Seeking professional help or joining a support group can ease the transition through the stages of grief. You may find it helpful to talk about the person you lost, but family and friends going through their own grief process might not be able to deal with those discussions quite yet.
At FHE Health, we understand the challenges of a major loss and the importance of healthy grieving. Our trained counselors are available to help you, no matter what stage of grief you’re experiencing. Contact FHE today to speak to a mental health expert who can help you move through the grieving process in a healthy way.
