When Mom or Dad is addicted to drugs or alcohol, the situation can be especially hard for their children. It’s not uncommon for children of addicted parents to feel alone, unsure what to do, and scared that others may find out about their parent’s substance use. Whether you’re a kid or an adult, learning how to live with an addicted parent can seem an impossible feat — yet there is help.
How Common This Situation Is
Substance use disorders affect tens of millions of U.S. households. According to a 2022 SAMHSA survey, 17.3% of the U.S. population reported having a substance use disorder, including 29.5 million people struggling with alcohol use and millions more contending with drug problems.
In a 2017 report titled “Children Living with Parents Who Have a Substance Use Disorder,” the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reported that one in eight children was living in a house where at least one parent had a substance use disorder, according to data from the 2009 – 2014 “National Surveys on Drug Use and Health.” The same report by SAMHSA noted the National Surveys’ findings that about 1 in 35 children (2.1 million) lived with at least one parent with an illicit drug use disorder in the past year.
Substance abuse in parents is not uncommon, which can be reassuring for anyone navigating a parent’s drug or alcohol problem. It means you’re not alone — there are others in the same shoes.
How to Recognize the Signs of an Addicted Parent
Addiction affects everyone differently. Some people exhibit clear signs; others are better at hiding their struggles, especially if they’re a high-functioning addict. Common signs of substance abuse include:
- Having difficulty maintaining a job
- Prioritizing drinking or drug use over other obligations
- Experiencing irritability, mood swings, anxiety, or frequent hangovers
- Excusing their substance use and other reckless behaviors
- Drinking alone or secretly
- Self-isolating from family and friends
- Facing financial difficulties
- Experiencing blackouts or memory loss
- Displaying changes in appearance, behavior, or social circles
Addicted parents may also neglect their children’s physical and emotional needs. They may spend money on drugs or alcohol instead of food and other household items, and may disappear from home for long stretches while using or searching for substances.
Parents are Human, Not Exempt from Disease of Addiction
Parents mean the world to their children, who look up to Mom and Dad as role models for good behavior. A parent should do no wrong or show they’re incapable of fulfilling their parental duties, so it can be shocking and heartbreaking to see a parent struggle with drug addiction.
Yet drug addiction is not a vice. It’s also not a sign of poor character or moral weakness. Like other chronic health issues, addiction is a relapsing brain disease that can be helped with professional medical treatment.
Parents are therefore as vulnerable to drug addiction as anyone else. For example, a good-faith effort to cope with pain following an accident, surgery, or to manage long-term chronic pain—so Mom can maintain her work and parenting duties—can pave the way to an opiate use disorder (SUD).
Just because a parent has a prescription for a medication doesn’t mean that they can’t become addicted to it and (eventually) illicit drugs . Indeed, according to the 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), an estimated 4.8 million adults age 26 and older had an illicit drug use disorder. Millions of people in the U.S. are addicted to prescription painkillers, for example, and when their drug supply is no longer available, they often turn to illegal street drugs like heroin.
In the past year, among those age 26 and older:
- About 3.5 million misused benzodiazepines for relief of anxiety (tranquilizers) or insomnia (sedatives).
- An estimated 7.4 million misused prescription pain relievers, like hydrocodone (Vicodin), oxycodone (OxyContin), and generic oxycodone.
- Some 7.7 million misused opioids, including illicit drugs like heroin, and prescription pain relievers.
Needing Help Is a Reality
If Mom or Dad has a problem with their drug use, the reality is they need to seek help. In fact, they likely have acknowledged as much to their children at one time or another. Typically, a person will be more likely to admit they have a drug problem after they have experienced the negative consequences of their use (in the aftermath of an episode of drug use, for example).
Another Reality: They Continuously Break Promises or Cannot See How to Seek Help
A child of a drug-addict parent or a child living with drug addicts knows all too well the litany of lies and broken promises. They’ve heard them on a continuous basis for most of their childhood, or as long as the parent has wrestled with drugs.
The drug addict parent may mistakenly believe there’s no way they can stop the drug use that’s ruining their life and that of their children. Meanwhile, the affected child may feel totally helpless, unable to influence their parent’s path to sobriety.
How Living With an Addicted Parent Affects Children
When a parent is desperate for a fix, the need to get high or drunk can supersede the care a child needs. That can show up as a lack of focus on helping with homework, buying and preparing food, making sure children get to school on time, and attending obligations like parent-teacher conferences and doctor appointments. Even when a parent isn’t making obvious mistakes like missed pickups or skipped meals, the effects are still visible to kids. Children are observant — they can tell when something else is vying for their parents’ attention.
The impact runs across cognitive, emotional, psychological, and behavioral development.
Cognitive Effects
Children develop cognitive skills through methods including social interactions, reading, and puzzle games during their early years. If a parent fails to provide this exposure due to substance abuse, their children may experience developmental issues with speech, language, and memory. These consequences can cause future academic problems, including:
- Low grade point averages
- Poor performance in reading, math, or spelling
- Grade-level retention or failed classes
- Impaired learning capacity
- Failure to pursue higher education
Emotional and Psychological Effects
Children of addicted parents also experience issues with emotional and psychological functioning, affecting their ability to build interpersonal relationships and cope with stressful situations. Common effects include:
- Anxiety or depression
- Low self-esteem or self-worth
- Difficulty expressing and processing emotions
- Aggression toward others
- Feeling angry or resentful toward their parents
- Separation anxiety
- Thoughts of suicide or self-harm
If a parent becomes abusive or neglectful when intoxicated, their child may struggle with mental health issues, including complex post-traumatic stress disorder. They may also exhibit a heightened sense of awareness of their surroundings to identify potential threats. Households with addicted parents can also raise safety or stability concerns, making children feel vulnerable or helpless. These feelings can cause a child to develop an unhealthy desire for control over their life or the actions of others.
Behavioral Effects
When a parent spends most of their time intoxicated, their children may end up parenting themselves or their siblings. This can cause them to prioritize others’ needs over their own, interfering with their ability to go to school, work, or maintain social relationships.
Some children may develop aggression or anger issues, causing them to engage in impulsive or reckless behaviors, such as vandalism, theft, or self-harm. Others may mimic their parent’s behavior and turn to substance abuse to cope with unpleasant emotions.
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What Role Should a Child Play in Helping a Parent?
As a child living with drug addicts, you want the best for your parents, especially if your addicted parents have indicated they want to overcome their addiction. Even if they staunchly deny being addicted, or insist that their drinking and drug use is manageable and you shouldn’t worry, you still want to learn how to deal with the problem in the best possible manner.
What should your role be in helping a parent? What can you say that may convince your drug addict parent to get treatment? Here are some tips:
When the Effects Carry Into Adulthood
Growing up with an addicted parent can cause problems during childhood, but those issues often don’t stop after moving out and gaining independence. Many children who grew up with addicted parents carry the effects of their experiences into adulthood, and the traumas caused by addiction can be deeply problematic.
Therapy can be a valuable tool for anyone living with trauma, anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition as a result of a parent’s neglectful behavior. A family therapist with experience in addiction can help navigate challenging feelings and implement a treatment plan using therapeutic techniques and, if needed, medication to alleviate symptoms. Overcoming the hurdles associated with a parent’s substance use disorder is never easy, but it can be a vital step on the road to acceptance and recovery.
Reach Out if You Need Assistance
Still in a quandary about how to deal with drug-addicted parents? FHE Health can help. We’re experts in treating drug abuse and co-occurring mental health disorders (including depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and others) and can provide trusted guidance about how to help your mom or dad. Our program to treat drug addiction is nationally recognized for its positive treatment outcomes.
As an additional support, our professional interventionists can help you stage an intervention for Mom or Dad and help them safely and smoothly transition into detox and treatment. We’re always available to take your call or respond to your request for information. For immediate and confidential assistance, call (877) 921-0488.
