Being able to express emotions is a vital aspect of mental health, healthy relationships, and overall well-being. Unfortunately, this valuable skill isn’t nurtured in everyone. Boys and men in particular are often denied the tools and support they need to understand, express, and manage their emotions in a healthy, constructive way.
Below, we look at some of the societal norms that contribute to this pattern, how it impacts mental health, and how to break the cycle of emotional suppression.
Why Men Are Socialized to Suppress Emotions
Even within the same families, boys and girls often have different upbringings. Traits that are valued and reinforced in one gender may be ignored or outright discouraged in the other. These early experiences with social conditioning have impacts that can last a lifetime, especially when it comes to an individual’s mental health and how they connect with others.
Cultural Expectations and Gender Norms
Despite prevailing myths, men and women experience a similar range and intensity of emotions. While the way they express those emotions may look different, compelling research shows that the underlying emotional experiences are largely the same. So, how did men earn a reputation for being unemotional stoics?
First, it’s important to recognize that gender norms are largely cultural. In fact, in many Middle Eastern, Latin American, and Scandinavian societies, emotional awareness and expression are associated with masculinity. In contrast, many Asian and North American societies value hiding emotions as a sign of strength. These communities encourage men to prioritize action and problem-solving over emotional expression.
The cultural norms of the society a man grows up in play a large role in whether he’s been conditioned to recognize and express emotions in a healthy way. Perceived negative feelings, such as anger, fear, frustration, or disappointment, are emotions that some men may never learn to express or manage effectively.
The Influence of Family and Upbringing
Even within the family unit, which should be a safe space for learning to navigate emotions, emotional suppression is reinforced. Oftentimes, fathers and role models teach that hiding feelings is part of “being a man,” either by setting an example themselves or by directly expressing this belief. This may be most evident with “negative” emotions, but boys may also be discouraged from expressing “positive” emotions such as excitement, affection, or vulnerability.
Unfortunately, an individual doesn’t learn to recognize and regulate the emotions they’re not allowed to express. This lack of emotional expression during childhood can lead to a lifetime of suppressed feelings.
Mental Health Consequences of Suppression
Not having the tools to navigate emotions can impact an individual’s mental health. The individual may be more likely to deal with heightened stress and loneliness, as well as more disruptive mental health issues.
Increased Stress and Anxiety
Emotional suppression results in the buildup of unresolved feelings. In some cases, boys and men haven’t been given the language to identify what they’re feeling, leading to a disconnect between how they feel and what they express. Without the tools they need to process their emotions, they may have a hard time communicating what they need or seeking help when they’re overwhelmed. This can lead to heightened stress and anxiety.
Difficulty in processing emotions can also result in unhelpful coping mechanisms. When emotions aren’t properly identified and addressed, they may resort to anger as an outlet, using it as a mask to cover vulnerability, frustration, or hurt. One study found that hiding feelings can lead to unhealthy ways of coping, which can negatively affect mental health.
Depression and Loneliness
As emotional suppression continues, many men have a hard time forming deep, meaningful connections with others. What may be an inability to articulate or even recognize emotions can be translated as emotional distance. As a result, they may feel isolated and misunderstood, while their friends, family, or partners may feel disconnected and unsupported in their own emotional experiences.
Over time, hiding emotions can contribute to more serious mental health challenges, such as depression. When emotions remain unaddressed, they can build up and become more complicated, leading to a sense of loneliness and low self-worth. The longer the feelings are suppressed, the more difficult it becomes to break this cycle.
Breaking the Cycle: Encouraging Emotional Expression
Breaking habits that have been reinforced since early childhood is never easy, but the good news is that anyone can gain the tools they need for emotional expression.
The Importance of Self-Awareness
The first step in moving toward emotional expression is becoming self-aware. It’s important for men to recognize the impact hiding feelings has had on their mental health and relationships.
Mindfulness and daily reflection can help individuals shift from suppression to healthy emotional awareness. This may involve tuning in to feelings of agitation, discontent, and anger and identifying what triggered these emotions and whether they may be covering up something else.
The Feelings Wheel, a helpful tool developed by Dr. Gloria Wilcox over 40 years ago, can help individuals identify and articulate their emotions more precisely. By starting with broad categories such as mad or sad and moving outward to more specific feelings such as guilty or hurt, individuals can gain better insight into their emotional state. This process helps individuals learn to better pinpoint and express feelings, leading to more effective communication and emotional regulation.
The Role of Education in Breaking the Cycle
The issue of emotional suppression in men is a cultural one, and breaking the cycle involves challenging that norm. Schools, workplaces, and social settings can provide spaces for educating boys and men on emotional intelligence and healthy emotional expression. Additionally, fathers who model emotional awareness and openness can foster these traits in their sons, establishing a new generational cycle of emotional expression and well-being.
Therapy and Support Options for Men
For many men, therapy offers a supportive, confidential environment where they can explore their emotions, develop healthy coping strategies, and challenge the cultural norms around masculinity that are ingrained.
Seeking Professional Help
It can be challenging for an individual to recognize their own biases and unhelpful beliefs, especially those that have been reinforced since early childhood. Fortunately, many therapists specialize in helping individuals navigate emotional challenges.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most effective approaches for those learning to recognize and regulate emotions. This therapy specifically focuses on an individual’s biases, beliefs and thinking patterns and how they impact feelings and behaviors. It gives men a space to be emotionally vulnerable and develop healthier ways to process and express their emotions. Many therapists focus on techniques such as mindfulness and relaxation exercises to teach stress management and reduce emotional reactivity.
Support Groups and Peer Networks
The journey toward being able to express feelings and improve mental well-being is often easier in a group setting. Oftentimes, group therapy and in-person or online support networks can help men connect with others who are learning to navigate similar emotional challenges. Sharing experiences with other men is a powerful way to address the stigmas surrounding expressing feelings.
Redefining Strength and Vulnerability
Our ideas of masculinity and what makes an individual strong versus vulnerable are rooted in culture. Challenging these traditional norms opens the door to healthier models of masculinity and can lead to stronger relationships and improved mental health.
Challenging Traditional Understandings of Masculinity
For many, the definition of masculinity involves traits such as stoicism, self-reliance and emotional control. While these qualities aren’t necessarily negative, they may come at the cost of emotional well-being. If the only way these traits are modeled is through ignoring emotions and suppressing vulnerability, men may struggle to process their feelings in a healthy way.
Redefining what it means to be masculine means recognizing that emotional openness isn’t weakness but a sign of self-awareness and resilience. Real strength comes when someone is empowered to acknowledge their feelings, get the help they need and engage in honest, emotional communication.
The Benefits of Emotional Expression for Men
When men feel safe expressing their emotions openly without the risk of negative feedback, the benefits can be profound. Emotional expression leads to better mental health outcomes, including reduced depression and stress. Rather than suppressing uncomfortable feelings, men who develop emotional awareness are better able to handle life’s challenges in constructive ways.
At FHE, we specialize in helping men address deep-seated ideas about masculinity and challenge the unhelpful thought patterns impacting their well-being and relationships. To learn more about our counseling services, including our Compass men’s program, contact us today.
