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If growing old is not for the faint of heart, as the proverbial wisdom goes, one reason is the mental health toll of aging. This can manifest as part of the natural aging process, often as the result of key events or “milestones” that signify the approach of old age.
What are these aging milestones, their effects on mental health, and some healthy coping tools for navigating them?
We reached out to Raymond McDaniel for his perspective. A clinical therapist at FHE Health and a 22-year veteran of the U.S. Air Force, McDaniel has unique expertise in this area. As a lead liaison for our specialized treatment program Shatterproof at FHE Health, he works exclusively with first responders and has extensive experience with drug and alcohol addiction. At the same time, McDaniel’s insights have broad application and may be of help to anyone facing the mental health challenges of growing older, not just first responders….
Aging Milestones and Mental Health
What are some of the aging milestones and related mental and emotional issues that McDaniel sees in his clients?
Retirement and the End of a Career
“A lot of clients are coming into treatment near the end of their careers and worry about their identity and purpose after that,” McDaniel said. This is a frequent issue because many clients “wear their job on their sleeve,” and so much of their identity is wrapped up in their work.
Other clients “have just retired or are getting ready to retire, and even though they’ve only been doing a job for 10 years, their job is their purpose,” McDaniel said. Consequently, some clients “have to figure out what their interests are moving forward and what their spouse wants to do.”
Boredom and Lack of Direction
Then there are the clients who have enough money to not have to work anymore but are now “at home and have a lot of time on their hands.”
“A lot of them are here for depression and they can quickly go back into that if they don’t stay busy,” McDaniel said. In these cases, he is careful to ask, “How are you going to fill your time up when you go home?” As these clients prepare to leave treatment and return home, McDaniel encourages them to find:
- “like-minded people” who they can do something with, such as golf or another recreational or service activity
- someone else they can talk to, like someone in AA or someone with mental health issues— “this doesn’t always have to be a first responder”
Physical Decline and Problems with Libido
As illustration, many of McDaniel’s older clients, most of whom are men, have concerns about waning libido and take testosterone “when their levels aren’t necessarily low.” Once they start taking testosterone, their body gets used to it and they keep taking it, McDaniel said. He said he tries to explain that lower libido is part of “the natural aging process” and that “you’re not going to be as sexually active as you used to be and will need to find other ways to be intimate with your spouse.”
More Social Isolation
With retirement often comes the loss of work and the relationships associated with it—and, in turn, more social isolation. This can be hard to navigate. McDaniel noted that men don’t have as many friends as women do and that “men don’t make friends as easily anymore,” often because of trust issues. He said he tries to encourage clients to trust again and put themselves out there to make new friends.
Financial Strain from Aging-Related Transitions
Financial issues are “a big concern for both genders, so that people are having to work into their 70s,” McDaniel said. He attributed this trend to various factors:
- rising prices and inflation
- “A lot of people didn’t save or weren’t able to save for their children’s college.”
- a divorce towards the end of the client’s career
In the last case, a spouse may get half or more of the client’s pension, and whereas there once was the financial stability of a dual income household, now there is not.
These issues are “a huge stressor that we have to deal with a lot,” McDaniel said. He added that the mental and emotional fallout is often “brutal”—especially if a client cheated on their spouse, in which case they may be experiencing intense anxiety, anger, regret, depression, guilt, and shame.
More Healthy Coping Tips for the Mental Health Challenges of Aging
In addition to staying active and stimulated and nurturing close, supportive friendships, what might be some other healthy coping tips for navigating the mental health challenges of aging?
McDaniel recommended the following:
- Exercise, whether that’s “walking or going to the gym”
- Support groups – Grief support groups can help members weather aging-related losses like the death of a spouse. 12-step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous can provide practical, spiritual tools for addressing a drinking problem. (Alcohol use disorders are on the rise among people ages 65 and up.) Support groups are also a good place to meet people in general and are easy to find online, McDaniel said, adding that many of these groups meet at the local library.
- Individual therapy – “Most people have insurance and can go find a therapist,” McDaniel said.
How to Help an Older Loved One in a Mental Health Crisis
One of the biggest barriers to treatment for those in crisis is that “people don’t like to ask for help and prefer to settle their problems on their own,” McDaniel said. “Our biggest challenge is to get people off their butts to go do it, but we can’t drag them there. They need to want it.”
What words of encouragement from a loved one might help motivate an older person to “want” treatment? we wondered.
“You have to be honest with an older person and tell them what you see,” McDaniel said. “So many adult children will not speak up about a problem that they see is negatively affecting their mother or father, because they don’t have emotional parental separation.” By that, McDaniel meant the adult child “can’t tell their parents how they feel and/or their parents won’t receive it.”
Sometimes, only a mental health professional can help you get unstuck enough to find the courage to be honest. “Call your insurance to connect with a therapist,” McDaniel said. They should be able to suggest some next steps and communication strategies for talking openly with your loved one.
