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Most people think they have a grip on what makes effective communication, but a lot of folks could use some work. According to one study on teaching English to adult students, nearly half of the study participants felt their progress had been held back by poor or inefficient communication between students and teachers. To communicate efficiently and well, you need to be able to speak, hear and be in real contact with the other parties, and there’s probably no better way to do all three of these than to improve your active listening skills.
The Give and Take of Normal Conversation
A regular human interaction follows the pattern everybody is used to. You say something, and the other person says something back. You follow along with a reply of your own, which encourages more conversation. This is a pretty typical personal conversation style and a reasonable model for professional communications in face-to-face settings.
This instinctive model breaks down past a certain point. When highly technical or complex information needs to be conveyed, for instance, or when a highly charged personal conversation is not going well, one or both parties can feel frustrated that they’re not being heard. If this sounds like something you experience from time to time, the issue could have to do with how well you and your conversation partners are listening.
Effective Communication Techniques
Solving communication problems works from both sides of the conversation. You can learn to speak clearly and concisely, for example, and always ask follow-up questions to make sure you’ve been heard and understood. Effective communicators generally have a knack for speaking at a level their audience can understand, and it doesn’t hurt to reach for common, easily understood words and phrases when you can.
The other side of communication is to improve listening skills. A lot of the time, improving your ability to hear and understand is the key to more effective communication. Improving listening skills can also work wonders for personal relationships, as the people you interact with the most feel more confident that you’re really paying attention to them and not missing the point of what they’re trying to tell you. This is actually a set of techniques known collectively as active listening skills.
Why Active Listening?
Active listening sounds like a contradiction in terms. After all, there are few things we do that are more passive than listening to people talk. But learning to listen productively is one of the most important and effective communication techniques you can have.
Practical Tips for Improving Active Listening Skills
Learning a skill set is like anything else in that it comes down to a few practical steps you can implement one at a time. As you master these skills, practice adding more to your arsenal until you feel comfortable switching between them or using more than one at a time for resolving active listening issues.
Make Solid Eye Contact
The eyes are the windows to the soul, and the direct contact we make with them is a strong signal that we’re actively engaged. Unless you have a good reason to avoid direct eye contact, such as cultural issues or when speaking with a person with autism spectrum disorder, it’s generally good form to keep up a friendly level of eye-to-eye contact throughout the conversation.
Don’t Interrupt
Nobody likes to be cut off, and letting the other person speak is the least you can do for improving listening skills. You may occasionally be surprised how much people will be willing to tell you if you routinely let them talk uninterrupted.
Be Receptive and Listen Without Judgment or Premature Conclusions
Sometimes, it’s hard to listen to the things people tell you. You might be hearing difficult news, an uncomfortable confession, a complex and difficult concept or any other sort of hard-to-convey matter. Listening requires being receptive to what people are saying, even when it’s hard.
Don’t Just Wait to Speak
Way too many people spend time in conversation waiting to talk rather than engaging as a listener. Let people speak their piece, and be the listener until it’s naturally your turn to speak.
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues
People don’t just talk; they dance. Watch a speaker’s nonverbal actions, such as posture and waving hands, to get the full effect of what they’re saying and how they want to convey their ideas to you. This often unlocks a wealth of unspoken value.
Hear What People Say, Not What You Imagine They’re Saying
People have ideas to share, which they put into words. If you’re not hearing those words the way they want you to, it creates communication problems. A surprisingly large number of miscommunications are caused by people hearing things in their heads that were never actually said. With every sentence, try to interpret what you’re being told in the way the speaker means it rather than through the lens of your own preconceived ideas.
Stay Focused
It’s rude to drift away while someone is speaking. Worse, it can lead to missing important details you really should have heard. Show respect by staying engaged, and use your body language to convey that your conversation partner commands your full attention. Another part of staying focused is to keep on topic and not let yourself be tempted by potential tangents or off-topic ideas.
Ask Questions
Don’t be shy about asking questions. If the person you’re talking with is trying to be understood, which most people are, they shouldn’t mind answering questions about things that aren’t entirely clear. Asking intelligent questions demonstrates your willingness to understand what you’re being told, as well as your present level of understanding. This guides your partner in effective speaking throughout the conversation.
Paraphrase What You’ve Heard
Nothing says “I hear you” better than repeating back what somebody has said in your own words. Learn to summarize and paraphrase what people say so they understand that you’ve been following along and get what they’re telling you well enough to say it back to them.
Keeping the Lines of Communication Open
Effective and practical communication is a life skill like any other — and possibly more important than most. If your relationships have gotten strained or you just feel like you could use a bit of active listening for yourself, contact FHE Health to speak with a compassionate, skilled professional who can help you today.
