In Alcoholics Anonymous, finding a sponsor is a critical step in completing the 12 steps to recovery. However, it’s not always easy to find and connect with a sponsor to support your sobriety journey once you complete treatment at FHE Health.
What is an AA Sponsor?
An AA sponsor is a person who’s completed the 12 steps in an Alcoholics Anonymous program themselves with long-term success. They provide support to newer AA program members, often providing ongoing encouragement, answering questions and sharing their own lessons learned. AA sponsors aren’t professional counselors; they’re peers who are further along in the process of sober living.
How a Sponsor Helps You
AA sponsors support others in AA by:
- Providing insights and tips they’ve gained for completing the program and staying sober
- Being there for you without judgment in times of crisis
- Providing inspiration about what life looks like post-addiction treatment
- Being honest with you, even if it hurts, such as pointing out when you seem to be on the verge of relapse or are participating in destructive behaviors
What Does a Sponsor Do?
Sponsors don’t provide one-on-one counseling sessions like a licensed therapist. However, they often meet one-on-one with the person they sponsor, offering a caring, nonjudgmental ear and a sounding board for the many thoughts and emotions that can burden people in early recovery. A sponsor may answer when you call to talk you off the proverbial ledge when you feel you’re about to abuse alcohol or other substances again, and they may get to know you so they can provide personal support.
Sponsors who develop lasting relationships with their peers are able to help them recognize strengths and cheer them on as they grow in post-recovery life. They can also provide the accountability needed to help you make sober choices day to day.
The Challenge of Finding a Sponsor
Alcohol use disorder is fairly common in the United States. Around 28 million people, or 10% of people aged 12 or older, reported alcohol use disorder in 2024. Because of the number of people dealing with this disorder, it can be challenging to find an AA sponsor.
Essentially, you need someone you’re compatible with and feel comfortable opening up to. You also need to trust them to be there for you in times of need. That’s a tall order for a stranger.
AA sponsorship can be especially challenging in smaller areas or where everyone knows each other. Anonymous is in the very name. Most people don’t want a sponsor — or to sponsor someone —who’s connected to other parts of their lives. You might not be ready to share with people in your life that you’re struggling with alcoholism or in recovery. These are private details, and if your sponsor is connected to people in your life, you may be concerned the information will get out.
Or you might need to share and discuss actions you’ve taken in the past. This could include talking about ways you’ve hurt people. You need a third party who isn’t involved to provide insight and listen without judgment. If your AA sponsor knew the people you were talking about, it could cloud their advice or opinion of you.
Even in larger cities, stepping into this level of interpersonal relationship with someone can be challenging.
How to Find an AA Sponsor in Five Easy Steps
How do you find a sponsor? Follow these five steps.
1. Go to Meetings (Virtually or In Person)
More AA meetings are going virtual. Online AA meetings hold several benefits:
- People can connect without worrying about transportation or making it on time after work.
- People from various areas can connect with others if there isn’t an established AA cohort in their town.
- Participants can genuinely remain anonymous by using a fake screen name and not turning their webcam on.
- Individuals have more options. If they join an online meeting and find the group isn’t working for them, they have countless more to choose from. Additionally, for people who work odd hours, online meetings provide options that fit any schedule.
Whether you choose to attend AA meetings online or in person, the first step in getting an AA sponsor is attending meetings. Sponsors are people who are fully committed to the AA program. Generally speaking, they’ve successfully completed the 12 steps themselves and have some amount of sober-living time under their belts. The program has worked for them, and they want to help others on the same path.
2. Listen for Compatibility
Your AA sponsor will be someone you spend a lot of time with and get comfortable with. So you want to find someone compatible with your personality. When you attend meetings and listen to individuals share their stories, listen for two things: compatibility in character and experiences.
Make sure you’ll get along with the person you’re trusting to guide you through your AA recovery. If you don’t like them as a person, you won’t want to reach out to them in a time of need.
If possible, find an individual who has somewhat similar experiences to yours. AA uses the term “terminal uniqueness.” This phrase refers to the false belief many alcoholics have that their addiction and experience are unlike anyone else’s. Most likely, this isn’t the case. And if you can find a sponsor who has some similar experiences with addiction, you’ll find it easier to open up to them. They’ll also likely have valuable insights for you as they’ve been down a similar path.
3. Participate
When you attend meetings, it’s essential to participate. Make it clear you’re taking your recovery seriously and looking for help. AA is an incredibly supportive network. Once you share you’re searching for a sponsor, you may find people reach out to help you find the right match.
4. Educate Yourself
You may not find the right sponsor immediately, and this can be frustrating. Help yourself by taking time to learn everything you can about your addiction, the 12 steps and the AA program. Until you find a sponsor, learn how to be your own guide in the recovery process.
It’s also important to educate yourself on why you need a sponsor. This will just be a gentle reminder of all your sponsor can do for you. That way, if you get frustrated and think about giving up the search, you’ll remember all the benefits of finding the right sponsor.
5. Put Yourself Out There
If you identify someone you feel is compatible, it’ll often be up to you to approach them. People can’t read minds and often don’t want to assume you want them to sponsor you. Once you have a candidate in mind, be ready to ask them to be your sponsor.
Also, guard yourself and be prepared for rejection. Some individuals may feel they’re not equipped to be a sponsor without it taking a toll on their own recovery. Some may already be sponsoring many other individuals. Whatever the case, understand you shouldn’t take a “no” personally and should be prepared to move on.
Getting Help From FHE Health
If you’re not ready for long-term recovery steps like AA and need more help breaking the cycle of addiction, it may be time to consider enrolling in a professional treatment program. At FHE Health, we’re experts at helping patients move past their addictions. Contact us today to find out how we can help.
