The breaking point came one day when Lauren Wilson was arguing with her husband. His drinking had intensified, and one day they were bickering and fighting.
“And I just noticed that he was kind of looking right through me,” Lauren told show host Ivona Bhahda, in Episode 11 of the First Responder Families Podcast. “And it looked like he was looking right through me, and he had this ominous grin on his face, and nothing about it looked like my husband. It didn’t feel like my husband. It suddenly didn’t feel like I knew this person.”
In the ensuing conversation between Wilson and Bhahda (Director of Family Services at FHE Health), Wilson spoke about her experience as the spouse of a patient in treatment for PTSD and alcoholism. (Her husband, Shawn Wilson, a veteran of the army and law enforcement, is a national outreach liaison at FHE.) Wilson talked about what it was like to manage at home (in Northwest Arkansas) while her husband was away in treatment for an extended period (90 days at FHE, in Deerfield Beach, Florida); and she shared some of the boundaries and supports that helped her own recovery journey. For highlights of that conversation, read on.
When a Spouse Is Away in Treatment – What It’s Like
What was it like to be without one’s spouse, after he left for treatment in another state?
Wilson said it was a mix of emotions, from hopefulness “that there is a resource” for her spouse to a lot of uncertainty: “It’s all question marks,” she said. The first question was whether he was going to be willing to stay in treatment, and that was followed by still more questions:
- “Is he going to be willing to talk to the therapist and talk to the doctors?”
- “Is he going to be willing to really open up about what is the root of this problem?”
And, along with the questions, there was fear about the future, especially as the only breadwinner in the family. Wilson found herself asking how her husband’s mental health crisis would impact his career and retirement plan.
She also knew her focus had to be on keeping her job, yet this was on top of even more responsibilities around the house; and she was also having to update local friends and family, as well as her husband’s doctors at the VA, about the situation.
When a Spouse Returns from Rehab – What Helps
What helps you prepare for a spouse’s return from treatment? Wilson shared a few things. One of them was a three-way conversation that she had with her husband and his therapist while her husband was still in treatment. In that conversation, she laid out a firm and clear boundary. She told her husband that she would no longer live with alcohol in the house.
“I had to lay that boundary down for myself but also for our marriage,” Wilson said.
How did her husband respond? And what other supports helped Lauren prepare for his return and discover “the power of WE” in recovery? Catch Episode 11 here.
