For many people with substance abuse disorders, balancing addiction and relationships can lead to significant problems. When you have a close friend or family member fighting addiction, it can feel like they’re fighting you and other loved ones. Addiction can alter people’s behaviors and responses, motivating them to do anything necessary to continue using. This is why rebuilding relationships in recovery is often a huge investment of emotional labor.
Mending broken bonds during and after addiction is more complex than just picking up where you left off. You need to rebuild trust and ensure the relationship is healthy on both sides.
In this piece, we break down the intricacies of trying to keep and rebuild friendships damaged by addiction. We also discuss whether there’s ever a time when it’s best to leave a relationship behind due to addiction.
How Addiction Hurts Relationships
These stories have been told countless times: Someone you trusted or thought you knew better than anyone else suddenly acts like a completely different person because of addiction.
Maybe it’s your child and you find out they’ve been stealing from you for a long time to finance their drug use. Maybe it’s a spouse who repeatedly lied about working late to disguise drinking. Or maybe it’s a close friend who habitually stopped showing up when you needed them, choosing drugs over your friendship.
Is It Possible to Maintain a Healthy Relationship With an Addict?
There’s no easy answer to this question. You may want to help the person you love and care for make it through the hard times in their life. But is it worth putting your own mental and emotional wellness at risk?
The answer can be yes, but it’s a situation to consider carefully.
First, expect that behavior such as dishonesty, stealing or betrayal will play a role when you try to rebuild the relationship, even if those events were in the past. Trust isn’t something that should be taken lightly — if a person has broken your trust, you shouldn’t jump back into a situation where they can take advantage of you again. They need to start earning that privilege again from the ground up.
Second, it’s critical to set clear boundaries and expectations as you move forward.
Boundaries are parameters you set in a relationship to ensure both parties are accountable for their own emotional well-being. Boundaries can be rules you both agree to before the rebuilding process.
For example, imagine one of the ways a close friend broke your trust was by stealing from you. One of your boundaries could be spending time in a neutral location where they don’t have access to your property before you rebuild trust.
Questions to Ask Before You Attempt to Rebuild Relationships
Trying to rebuild relationships in recovery demands an understanding of the risks involved. Ask yourself the following questions as you consider moving forward.
Is This Relationship Going to Enable Them?
Many times, parents stick with a child going through addiction because they care about them too much to see them suffer more than they already have. While this seems productive and compassionate, it may not be. If parents support an adult’s child financially, for example, there’s a chance that money might go toward substance use.
It’s important to know the difference between caring for someone and enabling them. A relationship that consists of you supporting their addiction in any way is likely to hurt you even more.
Are They Actively Trying to Grow?
The question of whether you can have a close relationship with an addict often arises when they enter — or talk about entering — treatment.
Rehab can be an important step in rebuilding a broken relationship because it represents wanting to get help and improve. One of the more rewarding aspects of rebuilding a relationship with someone in recovery is that you can help motivate them to enter a recovery program and stay on track.
Do You and They Understand Recovery Is a Challenge?
At the same time, it’s important to understand that rehab is only the start of your loved one’s journey. As with any long process, there will likely be setbacks. You shouldn’t expect to remove all boundaries and go back to how things were in the past just because a person has gone through a rehab program.
The fact is, around 40% to 60% of people relapse at least once after addiction treatment. If you’re planning on supporting someone during recovery, are you prepared for when times aren’t as easy as they seem right now?
While you can hope that every relapse is their last on the road to recovery, it can be difficult to fully trust someone. You have to be aware that this is a long-term struggle and make peace with the fact that this is something you (and they) will have to live with for life.
Assessing Whether They’re in the Right Place to Repair a Relationship
The fact is, when a relationship breaks down as a result of addiction, something has to change before it can be rebuilt. This means the other person needs to be in a more constructive place — ideally, getting help for themselves — and prepared to try to make the relationship work.
It can be tempting to re-involve yourself because of the feelings you still have for them, but unless they have sought help and are actively maintaining their recovery in a healthy way (attending groups, following a plan), you’re putting yourself at risk of being hurt again.
Addiction and Relationships: How Can I Repair My Relationships After Addiction Treatment?
If you’re the person seeking addiction treatment, seeing the damage to your relationships with people you love can be tough to handle. However, maintaining these crucial bonds can significantly improve your addiction treatment outcomes. Below, we’ll answer some of the questions you might have about relationships in recovery.
FHE Health and Rebuilding Relationships
At FHE Health, we involve loved ones in treatment because it’s important for people to understand how their addiction affects those close to them. When a person gets out of a treatment program, they’re going to need their loved ones for support. Our goal is to make sure you can work on rebuilding trust and mending the bridges burned by addiction.
If you or a loved one needs further guidance, contact us today and learn about all the options available to you.
