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For many, parenting is one of life’s most profound joys and sources of fulfillment, filled with love and deep connection. However, for those living with alcohol use disorder, these joys can be overshadowed by the challenges of managing an addiction. It’s difficult to balance the role of nurturing and raising children with battling personal struggles. For many with AUD, this can cause immense frustration and shame.
Fortunately, AUD is highly treatable. With professional help and access to evidence-based therapies, many people break the cycle of addiction and find empowerment to rebuild their lives and strengthen family bonds.
Introduction: The Challenges of Parenting with AUD
Alcohol use disorder is a serious medical condition in which the individual is unable to stop or manage alcohol use, even when they experience undesired consequences such as financial hardship or relationship problems. This condition brings a wide range of short- and long-term dangers, from impaired judgment and reaction times to brain damage and cancer.
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, about one in 10 children in the United States live with a parent who has AUD. While men are statistically more likely to have an AUD diagnosis, recent years have seen an upward trend in AUD among women.
“Mommy Wine Culture” has become pervasive throughout American society, normalizing alcohol dependency among mothers. The message that parenthood is difficult, and drinking alcohol makes it easier to cope with the challenges, is conveyed through countless memes, novelty wine glasses, tote bags, t-shirts and even baby gear. While it’s played for laughs, the reality is a lot less funny – many parents rely on alcohol to get through the day.
Alcohol use doesn’t automatically lead to addiction, but those who use alcohol as a coping mechanism are vulnerable to developing AUD. Although drinking may feel like an easy solution for alleviating stress and coping with work and family responsibilities, it exacerbates problems by contributing to unpredictable mood swings, a sense of shame and impaired judgment.
Parents with AUD live with a variety of unique challenges. Their addiction makes it difficult to be present with their children, impacting the parent’s ability to provide structure and safe oversight and fully engage in conversations and day-to-day happenings. The shame of AUD can cause shame and lead to social isolation, contributing to the cycle of abuse. Additionally, it increases the parent’s odds of developing mental health problems such as depression.
How AUD Impacts Family Dynamics
AUD significantly impacts the individual’s ability to navigate everyday life, including their family responsibilities and interpersonal relationships. The personal and financial toll this disease takes can be devastating, leading to strained relationships, emotional distress and decreased productivity.
Changes in Family Roles and Responsibilities
As AUD becomes all-consuming, the individual is less able to effectively fulfill their role as a caregiver and equal parenting partner. In many households, this results in the other parent assuming the primary caregiver role, shouldering most or all responsibilities related to supervision, emotional support, homework help, discipline, enforcing routines, and ensuring proper nutrition. When there isn’t a co-parent, grandparents or adult siblings may step into the caregiver role.
In some households, children may bear the responsibility of becoming their parent’s caretaker, a form of dysfunction called “parentification.” This places undue stress and emotional burdens on young shoulders and negatively impacts social, emotional and psychological development.
Communication Breakdown
Addiction alters an individual’s priorities and can contribute to a breakdown in how they communicate with their children. When a parent has AUD, they may exhibit erratic and unpredictable behavior, creating an unstable environment that makes it difficult to have open and honest communication.
In many households, this causes frequent arguments and misunderstandings. It also makes it difficult to engage in meaningful dialogue, which often leads to a lack of emotional support for the children.
Financial Strain
AUD contributes to the financial stress a family experiences. According to one study, children who have a parent with AUD are more likely to have a lower socioeconomic status, and they often have access to fewer household resources.
Alcohol addiction is expensive to maintain, costing many people hundreds of dollars each month, which can create housing and food instability. Additionally, many people with AUD have difficulty finding and keeping a job, disrupting predictable cash flow and preventing career advancement.
On top of the expense of the addiction itself, AUD can contribute to financial hardship from legal issues. Fines related to public intoxication or driving while intoxicated can run hundreds or thousands of dollars, depending on prior convictions, further putting a family’s financial stability at risk.
Recognizing the Effects on Children
Along with impacting the parent’s quality of life, AUD negatively affects a child’s social and emotional development. Children raised by a parent with an addiction are more likely to experience mental health disorders and have difficulties navigating relationships. They also face an increased risk of developing an addiction.
Emotional and Psychological Impact
According to a large study published in Substance Abuse Treatment, Prevention, and Policy, there’s a strong association between parental alcohol problems and psychological and emotional distress. Children who grew up around addiction are more likely to experience emotional abuse and neglect, and they’re more likely to exhibit symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Academic and Social Consequences
Growing up in a household where a parent has AUD has a lasting impact on the child’s social development and school performance. For example, children of alcoholic parents are more likely to be diagnosed with a conduct disorder, which can turn into an antisocial personality disorder if left untreated.
Along with this, children growing up in these households tend to have lower academic performance. This comes from a lack of parental support, along with limited access to resources such as tutoring and homework help.
Long-Term Effects
Growing up in an environment where addiction is present greatly increases a child’s risk of developing an addiction later in life. Compared to a child who didn’t grow up around addiction, children who have a parent with AUD are four times more likely to develop symptoms themselves.
Additionally, growing up with alcoholic parents makes an individual more likely to develop a mental illness as an adult. When a caregiver is unstable or even abusive, the child is at an increased risk for post-traumatic stress disorder, even when they leave home.
Strategies for Managing Parenting Responsibilities
Parenting with AUD presents some unique challenges, but the good news is that there are steps parents can take to reduce the risk of harm.
Establishing Routines and Consistency
Predictable routines provide structure and a sense of security, making them vital during childhood. Some practical tips for establishing routines include:
- Setting clear expectations and consistent daily schedules for sleep and wake times, meals, homework and other activities.
- Use visual aids such as charts or daily schedules to help children plan their activities.
- Even when things feel chaotic, stick to the posted routine as much as possible.
- Use positive reinforcement to praise children when they follow the daily schedule.
- Keep the lines of communication open, and let your children know they can talk to you about their feelings or concerns.
Seeking External Support
Addiction can be isolating, not only for the parent but also for their children. When it’s safe and practical to do so, involve friends and family in day-to-day activities, and accept help when it’s offered.
For many parents, one-on-one counseling services and support groups are essential for creating a healthy home environment. Consider connecting with a recovery support group to benefit from peer support.
Seeking Help and Rebuilding Family Relationships
AUD is treatable, and seeking professional treatment is the first step toward recovering and creating a healthier, more stable environment for the entire family.
Treatment Options for AUD
A robust treatment plan generally includes detox, inpatient or outpatient care and ongoing support throughout recovery. Counseling and therapy are key components of effective treatment, with many mental health professionals using modalities such as cognitive behavioral therapy to get to the root of the addiction and help the individual develop healthy coping strategies.
Building Trust and Communication
The cycle of addiction takes a significant toll on families. During recovery, it’s important to re-establish open communication and take necessary steps to rebuild trust.
Creating a Supportive Family Environment
A positive family environment is essential for addiction recovery. For many families with addiction-related issues, family therapy is often important for establishing new ways of interacting and understanding one another’s experiences. By working together, families can create a more nurturing environment that supports the well-being of everyone involved.
If you or a loved one is living with AUD, FHE is here to help. Reach out today to speak with an intake specialist about our treatment programs and therapy options, and begin the journey toward recovery.
