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Nearly every person who dies leaves behind loved ones who must face grief. No two people grieve the same way. For some, the pain of loss is manageable. Others choose to self-medicate with alcohol or other substances while suffering through the stages of grief. Alcoholism, however, can take over a person’s life and hinder any attempts at healing from the immense loss.
The Stages of Grief, Alcoholism and Their Close Connection
When you’re grieving, alcohol may provide temporary relief from the pain. One study found that people going through bereavement are around 31.8% more likely to engage in binge drinking.
Legendary baseball player Mickey Mantle provides a powerful example of the connection between alcohol and grief. Throughout his childhood and adolescence, Mantle bonded with his father over baseball. When he was 19, his years of practice earned him a spot on the New York Yankees. The pride and excitement he felt were quashed a year later when his father died of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
Before he died, Mantle wrote in detail about his struggles with alcoholism in Sports Illustrated. He revealed that his drinking started as a way to avoid the painful memories of his father. After every triumph on the field, he’d think about how his father wasn’t there to see it. Drinking stopped those thoughts and allowed him to escape, but they’d return when he was sober. This caused him to repeatedly turn to alcohol and drink an increasing amount over time.
Mantle described how his grief and alcohol use began to shape his life. He became friends with people who were heavy drinkers. Because of his competitive spirit, he’d try to outdo others in bars. This led to reckless behavior and times when he drank so much he couldn’t remember what he’d done.
His relationships with people outside his circle of drinking buddies began to suffer. Rather than bringing him to his senses, losing these important individuals only spurred him to drink more. Forty-two years of alcohol abuse also took a toll on Mantle’s health. In 1995, he died from liver cancer at the age of 63. Experts believe liver damage due to drinking played a role in the disease.
Although Mantle’s story is tragic, it does provide some hope. In 1993, he sought treatment at the Betty Ford Center, where he was encouraged to explore his reasons for drinking. Gaining self-awareness about the connection between his grief and alcohol use opened his eyes. Following treatment, he managed to quit drinking and had a chance to rebuild damaged relationships before he died.
Does Alcohol Numb Pain?
Grief can cause many mental and emotional symptoms, such as:
- Irritability
- Anger
- Depression
- Problems concentrating
- Oversensitiveness
- Hypervigilance
- Anxiety
Working through grief is a difficult process, and it’s natural to want to avoid painful things. Alcohol numbs pain because of brain chemistry. When you drink, levels of GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) increase. This brain chemical calms the mind and body.
Alcohol also boosts dopamine levels, activating the pleasure center of the brain. Once it wears off, levels of both chemicals plummet.
The problem with drinking to numb grief is that you only get temporary relief from the pain. The underlying emotions don’t disappear after a few sips; they’ll return once you’re sober.
The Importance of Grieving
Grief is a natural reaction to losing a loved one or facing another difficult life change. Although dealing with its physical, mental and emotional symptoms is painful, grief is necessary. By working through grief, you can ultimately accept the loss. Although you never stop missing your loved one, you learn to adjust to life without them. If you don’t fully grieve, you may never make this adjustment.
Some healthy ways to deal with grief instead of numbing it include:
- Accepting support from others around you
- Exercising regularly
- Talking about your loved one with friends, family or a professional therapist
- Keeping a journal
- Reading books about grief and loss
- Allowing yourself to cry when you feel sad and celebrate when you feel happy
- Carrying or wearing something that reminds you of your loved one
- Joining an in-person or online support group
- Practicing yoga or meditation
- Gardening or planting something in memory of your loved one
Grieving Without Alcohol
Grief is a challenging experience, and it’s only natural to want relief from the intense pain. While alcoholism and grief are connected, it’s possible to navigate such a difficult time without relying on mind-altering substances.
Grief is painful, but it’s a natural response to loss. Suppressing it with alcohol only delays the feelings and, in some cases, can even make it worse. Instead of trying to numb yourself, allow yourself to experience the emotions as they come, whether it’s sadness, anger or confusion. Journaling, talking with a trusted friend or joining a support group can help as you go through the process.
Surround yourself with people who care about you and can offer comfort and understanding. Professional support from a counselor or therapist can provide the guidance you need to work through your grief without self-medicating.
It might be difficult at first, but try to establish a routine. Something simple, such as a short walk daily, can provide structure and stability.
Prioritizing yourself and finding a way to move forward doesn’t diminish your loved one’s passing. At a time when nothing seems to make sense, self-compassion can be a step toward healing. Avoid setting expectations for how you should grieve “the right way” or how quickly you need to “get over” your loss.
The Risks of Drinking to Numb Grief
Entering the cycle of experiencing symptoms of grief and using alcohol carries risks. For one, drinking to numb grief keeps you from working through it.
Grief is an active process. Most people find the emotions it causes don’t go away without work. You may prolong grief by trying to escape it rather than facing it.
Alcohol may also amplify some symptoms of grief. Some people begin drinking to deal with depression. However, experts believe drinking can also cause you to feel depressed. As depression is a common symptom of grieving, alcohol could worsen symptoms.
Drinking may also lead to an increase in another symptom of grief: anxiety. While drinking, you may feel less anxious due to elevations of GABA and dopamine. Once you’re sober, the anxiety you feel may be greater. Mickey Mantle shared that drinking eventually caused him to experience panic attacks. This isn’t uncommon among people with alcohol use disorder.
In short, you may find that initially, drinking takes you out of your grief. If you keep drinking, however, you may find your symptoms only intensify over time. This is due to the adverse mental effects of frequent alcohol use.
Signs You May Need to Seek Help
When you’re already facing grief, you don’t need the extra stress of worrying about drinking. However, continuously using alcohol to numb the pain can lead to dependency.
Some signs you may need to seek help for alcohol use include:
- You frequently drink more or for longer than you planned to.
- You’ve tried to cut down or stop drinking but couldn’t.
- You experience frequent intense cravings to drink.
- Your drinking negatively impacts your work, school or finances.
- Your relationships are becoming strained because of your alcohol use.
- You’ve given up hobbies or activities because of drinking.
- You’ve engaged in risky behaviors while under the influence.
- You’re noticing the need to drink more and more to numb the pain.
If any of the above applies to you, help is just a phone call away. Our team of compassionate counselors is available 24-7 to listen and discuss the next steps. Get on the road to recovery from grief and alcohol use today.
