• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

FHE Health - Addiction & Mental Health Care Homepage

Drug, Alcohol and Mental Health Treatment

MENUMENU
  • About
        • About FHE Rehab
          • About FHE Health
          • Our Staff
          • Locations We Serve
          • Testimonials
        • Our Campus
          • Gallery
          • Our Videos
          • Our Wellness Center
        • Our Locations
          • Alcohol Rehab
          • Detox Center
          • Drug Rehab
          • Mental Health Center
          • Outpatient Rehab
        • Careers at FHE Health
          • Employment Opportunities
        • Our Expertise
          • Accreditations
          • Educational Affiliates
          • Education Scholarship
  • Addiction
        • Treatment Programs
          • Treatment Program Overview
          • Alcohol Addiction
          • Drug Addiction Treatment
          • Behavioral Addiction
        • Levels of Care
          • Continuum of Care
          • Addiction Detox
          • Inpatient Addiction Treatment
          • Outpatient Addiction Treatment
        • What We Treat
          • Alcoholism
          • Amphetamines
          • Benzodiazepines
          • Cocaine
          • Heroin
          • Opioids
          • Sedative
  • Mental Health
        • Mental Health Rehab
          • Mental Health Care
          • Onsite Psychiatric Care
          • Dual Diagnosis
        • Levels of Care
          • Residential Mental Health Care
          • Outpatient Mental Health Care
        • What We Treat
          • ADD & ADHD
          • Anxiety Disorders
          • Bipolar Disorder
          • Depression
          • Eating Disorders
          • Personality Disorders
          • PTSD
          • Schizophrenia
          • Substance Use Disorder
          • Trauma
  • Programs
        • FHE Programs
          • Specialty Program Overview
          • Restore (Mental Health)
          • Empower! (Women's Program)
          • Shatterproof (First Responders)
          • Thrive (Behavioral Health)
          • Compass (Working Professionals)
        • Support Programs
          • Alumni
        • Therapies
          • Acupuncture
          • Breathwork Therapy
          • CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
          • DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)
          • EMDR Therapy
          • Expressive Arts Therapy
          • Individual Therapy
          • Group Therapy
          • Gambling Therapy
          • Music Therapy
          • Massage
          • Yoga
        • Medical Care
          • Medical Integration
          • Ketamine Infusion
          • IV Vitamin
          • Fitness & Nutrition
          • Medication-Assisted Treatment
          • Medication Management
        • NeuroRehab Services
          • Neuro Rehabilitation
          • NeuroFeedback Training
          • Neurostimulation Therapy
          • EEG Brain Mapping
          • Insomnia Treatment for PTSD
  • Resources
        • FHE Guides
          • Understanding Drug Abuse
          • Signs of Addiction
          • The Disease of Addiction
          • Confronting Addiction
          • Staging an Intervention
          • Rehab Success Rate – Does It Really Work?
          • Withdrawal Timelines
          • Life After Rehab
          • LGBTQ+ Community Resources
          • Senior Resources
          • Union Member Resources
          • Veteran Resources
          • Remote Resources Toolkit
        • Learning Center
          • Help for You
          • Help For Loved Ones
          • Help For Alcoholism
          • Help With Substance Abuse
          • Behavioral & Mental Health
          • Life in Recovery
          • Rehab Explained
          • Addiction Statistics
          • View All Articles
        • The Experience Blog
          • Addiction News
          • Alumni
          • Community Events
          • Expert Opinions
          • FHE Commentary
          • FHE News
          • Treatment Legislation
          • View All Articles
  • Admissions
        • Insurance
          • Blue Cross Insurance
          • Beacon Health / Value Options Insurance
          • Cigna Insurance
          • Humana Insurance
          • TRICARE Insurance
        • Admissions
          • Steps to Addiction Help
          • Will Insurance Cover Behavioral Treatment?
          • Self-Pay Rehab
        • FAQ
          • Keeping Your Job in Rehab
          • Example Day in Rehab
        • Contact Admissions
          • Contact Us
          • Secure Payment Form
  • Contact

Call for Immediate Help: (844) 299-0618

Home > Featured in Alumni > Dating Do’s and Don’ts in Recovery

March 18, 2021 By Don Verona

Dating Do’s and Don’ts in Recovery

Dating Dos and Donts

Chances are, if you have ever been to drug rehab or sat in an AA or NA meeting, you have heard the magical advice of, ‘wait one year before getting into a new romantic relationship.’. What people always seem to forget to mention when they drop that little pearl of wisdom is that you should be doing hard work on yourself in that year of recovery. That’s a huge problem.

Another problem is the one-year line is something people snicker at after hearing at a meeting. It’s not taken seriously. Truth be told, early recovery relationships send many people out of recovery and back into active addiction. I’m even willing to say it can be a significant cause for overdose and death.

I’ve been sober for years and worked in the treatment industry for years; I have seen countless ‘love at first sight in the detox med line’ stories that have ended up horrifically. I have not seen even one of those relationships end in a happy story, not a single one.

Why though? How could something like that NEVER work out? Well, let’s tackle the topic because it’s not discussed nearly enough.

Early Recovery Has To Be About YOU

Dating Dos and Donts 1Active addiction can wear people down so much that they completely lose their identity, life skills, essential relationships, pretty much everything!

As a result of that, when entering treatment and early recovery, there is a tremendous urgency of starting to completely build a new life in every area. It is a daunting task and truly can only be done if the individual is only focusing on themselves.

Meeting someone romantically early on in recovery takes the focus off of you and usually brings internal growth to a screeching halt. The top priority is no longer what I need to work on today about myself, a top priority is seeing him/her, and everything else becomes a distant second.

Early recovery needs to be a period of profound self-discovery. There is massive work and insight that needs to be done; the absolute last thing you want to do is add a new person into your life that creates an enormous distraction. Especially if they are in the same boat as you.

A New Dependency

We all know the feeling of meeting someone new who we are interested in and has mutual interest in us. It’s completely intoxicating; it’s a narcotic drug as far as I’m concerned. There have been studies performed that claim it hits the same parts of the brain as smoking crack cocaine.

Now I’m not claiming that you will get addicted to meeting new people (well, it is a possibility), but meeting someone early on in recovery who is into you can (I’m lying, it absolutely WILL) satiate the exact needs that drugs used to.

Dating Dos and Donts 2That means that the urgency to change usually vanishes, as you have someone in life validating you and telling you, ‘I love you just the way you are.’ Building relationships with sober supports also becomes extremely secondary since there is a brand-new exciting relationship to focus on.

Some other risks of an early recovery relationship:

  • False sense of happiness, security and fulfillment
  • Major codependency
  • High relapse risk
  • Lack of coping skills learned
  • Complacency in recovery

Like all other addictions, being hooked on this feeling has consequences, especially when the honeymoon phase ends. At least one person relapses; the other will try to save them or just join them. I know many early recovery relationships that involved the woman getting pregnant, and by the time she has the baby, the father is gone and back in addiction, or sadly I know many cases the father OD’ed and passed away.

Absolutely devastating, forever life-altering stuff. This is why this topic is so important. What goes from a cutesy flirting exchange in rehab or a meeting can end in awful, heartbreaking events.

The Reality of it All

Of course, when I sponsor men who are in early recovery, the topic of a romantic interest will come up quite often. What I do is bring them to the Reality of what they are talking about. I will mention the insecurity and anxiety that comes storming along if this love interest doesn’t respond to text messages. How will they react if they see this person talking to other guys?

My favorite question to ask is,’ If you had a son/daughter, would you want them dating you.’ That one is always an eye-opener.

I can give great insight into the topic because, obviously, I was in early recovery at one point. I can recall how insanely delusional I was. My ego was so inflated from having a few months sober that I legitimately thought I was the biggest catch in South Florida, while I lived in sober living without a job and mom was still covering the rent.

I am so grateful for the men I surrounded myself with who made it clear to me to do step work, connect to a higher power, have a spiritual experience and then begin to look into the world of dating. I got into my first relationship with about ten months sober (oh no! I broke the rule!). The girl had about a year more than me in recovery.

I had gone through the step work and been transparent about it all with my sponsor, leading to me getting into a serious relationship. Was it too early for me? Probably, but I had that spiritual change occur and had put in the footwork. I was a different man than I had been leaving treatment. Once that relationship ended 18 months later (I got dumped), I still had the tools to deal with it because I had kept up with my recovery because there were already good habits in place.

Do you get what I’m saying? I hope so.

Does that mean the breakup was easy to deal with? Not a chance, it was very difficult swallowing that pill, but I made it through.

I always point out to single people in early recovery that if they can stay single and learn to be completely content with it, they are untouchable. No one can affect their day, and you get to truly learn about self-love and self-esteem. We are talking about life-changing invaluable stuff here.

I’ve made the strongest points that I can on this topic. The best advice I have for those early in recovery with this topic is to have a sponsor you can be completely open with. Having a sponsor you can talk to about potential relationship risks you have can get you to deal with it the right way and not ruin your life.

Once you become the person you always wanted to be, you will discover what kind of partner you want to have in life. Before that happens, keep away from the temptation and remind yourself of why you are keeping away. It will pay in dividends in the long run.

Filed Under: Featured in Alumni, Alumni

More Questions about Treatment?

More Questions about Treatment?

We offer 100% confidential and individualized treatment

Contact Us

About Don Verona

Primary Sidebar

The Experience Blog

  • Addiction News
  • Alumni
  • Community Events
  • Expert Columns
  • FHE Commentary
  • FHE News
  • Treatment Legislation
  • All Articles

Sign up for the Blog

Our Facilities

Take a look at our state of the art treatment center.

View Our Gallery

Learning Center

  • Help for You
  • Help For Loved Ones
  • Help For Alcoholism
  • Help With Substance Abuse
  • Behavioral & Mental Health
  • Life in Recovery
  • Rehab Explained
  • All Articles

FHE Health Is Open With Enhanced Safety Protocols... Read more

Footer

FHE Health

© 2022 FHE Health

505 Federal Hwy #2,
Deerfield Beach, Florida 33441
1-844-299-0618
youtube facebook instagram
  • Contact
  • Careers at FHE Health
  • Privacy Policy
  • Sitemap
A+ BBB and Top Places to Work - Sun Sentinel

The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. If one of our articles is marked with a ‘reviewed for accuracy and expertise’ badge, it indicates that one or more members of our team of doctors and clinicians have reviewed the article further to ensure accuracy. This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care.

If there are any concerns about content we have published, please reach out to us at marketing@fhehealth.com.

Request a Call

  • We guarantee 100% privacy. Your information will not be shared.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

844-299-0618

Call/Text Me