Alone but not Lonely by Peter Marinelli
There was a time when I couldn’t be alone, when I needed to have people, or excitement, something going on, to feel ok. Ironically the life of an alcoholic is a lonely one and no matter what he or she does to fill that lonely void, it’s never enough. It’s a bottomless pit that no amount of alcohol or drugs can fill. I did however try, and searched out the most sordid places and things, and or would drink myself into oblivion to not feel anything. Loneliness next to the addiction was my personal enemy. When I first got sober I was quickly by recovering folks. Phones calls were made regularly and seeing each other at meetings was like a Band-Aid on an open wound. The loneliness still existed when I was alone. It became torturous. Sober and still feeling alone – now what?
Then I heard some recovering folks talk about being “recovered” and how they experienced not only the same problem with booze but the same life problems as well. They shared how they all were able to move past this once they found and experienced God via the 12 steps. My God, now I really wanted what they had to offer. So another journey began within the journey of sobriety. It was the spiritual journey.
The Big Book talks about being alone at perfect peace and ease. What a promise! Was it possible?
I offer this to share, that I bear witness to this promise. Today some of my most sacred moments have been when I’m alone, because I’m no longer lonely.
I rest easy in the arms of God and the sacred fellowship to which I have been embraced by.
God is great- all the time.
Chop wood, carry water